


Beginnings of a Bond

by evanescent_ally



Series: bonds (we stand together, no matter what) [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto), CONTAINS BOTH MLM AND WLW CHARACTERS/RELATIONSHIPS, Canon-Typical Violence, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto)-centric, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fix-It of Sorts, Foreshadowed Relationships, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kakashi Teaches Competently, Mentions of PTSD, Narcissistic Parent, No Bashing, Sakura is a Good Person, Sensor!Naruto, Team as Family, do not copy to another site, no beta we just die
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 35,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24513571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evanescent_ally/pseuds/evanescent_ally
Summary: Sakura's insecurities and perfectionism. Sasuke's inherited arrogance and trust issues. Konoha's blatant ignorance and Naruto's attention-seeking qualities.Kakashi really has his work cut out for him, doesn't he? He's already too attached to turn back and their issues are too alarming to ignore.In which Hatake Kakashi meets and trains three nine-year-old academy students. Nine-year old academy students who blatantly failed Inoichi's yearly psyche evaluation. Nine-year-old academy students who silently watch while everyone else leaves the Academy hand in hand with their loving parents.In which their story begins.[1-6: New People, New Lives][7-13: Fucked Up Systems and Situations][14-17: Feelings and Abusers and Other Unimportant Matters][18-21: Kinda, Sorta Alright...Not Really][Rewrite in Progress]{Chapter 4 is finally finished being rewritten!!}
Relationships: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Kizashi & Haruno Mebuki & Haruno Sakura, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: bonds (we stand together, no matter what) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1811875
Comments: 522
Kudos: 1592





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Naruto franchise, nor am I earning profit from this story. 
> 
> Warning- This will contain LGBTQ+ themes and characters, although the plot will not be based around romance or sexuality. Please take note of this if you do not agree and keep your opinion to yourself if so. There will also be mentions/references of self-harm and PTSD. Chapters containing homophobia and/or other triggers will have a warning in the beginning note. Please stay safe and keep tags in mind. :)
> 
> Rated T for cursing and touchy subjects.
> 
> [Spotify Playlists](https://open.spotify.com/user/ally.monzon1?si=bgQXnJqoSsem6HrPAA7iuA)

Tutoring. With the dead-last and some civilian girl he'd never really noticed until now.

This can’t be right. 

He doesn’t _need_ tutoring- not with other people there. His taijutsu is good, (the bare of beginnings of) ninjutsu on point, and he's always prided himself on weapon exercises; maybe he'd accidentally dozed off for a few minutes during math- but that's because he's known the material for years.

He doesn’t _need_ to re-learn it.

He doesn’t _need_ anyone to _help_ him do things he already can.

It doesn’t help that his teammates aren’t his first choice. Or much of any, honestly.

Sakura lacks initiative. Her hands, he's noticed, are smooth and unmarred by callouses and scars you gained from basic training. She handles kunai and shuriken, as blunt as they are, like glass- as if touching the blade will break the weapon on impact. Her taijutsu is all textbook, but not in a good way. Her forms are stiff and she barely has any fighting instinct; she takes too much time to think about her moves, correcting every little error in her stance.

But Sakura is smart if nothing else. She outclasses him in academics, asking good questions or taking freelance notes. A teacher's pet who can recite every village in the entirety of Fire Country by heart, isn’t the _worst_ choice for a teammate, he supposes. 

Naruto, however, _is_ the worst possible choice for a teammate. He‘s just... _bad_ at everything he‘s given.

And he‘s _loud_ too.

His taijutsu is sloppy and uncoordinated, forms completely incorrect, almost as if he's been taught the wrong way from the absolute beginning. Though he _could_ probably manage a decently matched spar by instinct alone. 

The few chakra control exercises they've had he's flunked completely, always putting too much chakra into the leaves he attempted to stick onto his forehead. The teachers had told him off after ten attempts. His aim when it comes to target practice is _horrid_ , never even hitting the _trees_ \- 

_Slam._

Sasuke jumps slightly and glances over, breaking out of his thoughts to subtly glare at the blonde barely entering the room. It's been almost forty-five minutes since class initially started, and he'd _just_ gotten here. He scoffs to himself. 

Naruto doubles over, panting. "Sorry, Iruka-sensei! I accidentally forgot to set my alarm- you know how that goes- and I was having a really good dream about ramen; like a whole lake full of miso-" 

He's lying. It's not obvious, but Naruto's hand goes stiff when he talks, the other going up to his neck sheepishly. 

Sasuke cuts off his mind before it can start, forcing himself to look down at the floor.

"It's fine, Naruto." Iruka brushes him off, though the furrow of his brows and the edge to his glare doesn’t go unnoticed. "Go sit down, please."

He looks up at their teacher and his lips twitch downwards, but it's barely there before he grins again, loudly making his way to his seat. Shikamaru snorts from the seat next to Naruto, murmuring something unintelligible before promptly setting his head back onto his desk. 

Today's the day they're supposed to formally meet their new teacher. Sasuke isn't sure how he feels about it.

Naruto, on the other hand, is absolutely, positively sure that he's actually excited for today. He hasn't really had anything to look forward to before, and he really, really likes the fuzzy warmth residing in his chest. It isn't shaken by the fact that he woke up in cold sweat from a nightmare at four in the morning, or that he'd accidentally fallen back asleep while he was getting ready in the morning. It isn't even shaken by the achingly familiar look in Iruka-sensei's eyes as he's stared down for being late. 

Hope feels nice. 

The bell rings as Iruka is mid sentence and the chunin glares at it half-heartedly. He rolls his eyes and laughs, turning back to the class. "That's _some_ timing, isn't it. Tomorrow will be the last day we'll be working on this unit, so make sure you come prepared." He hums, as if he's thinking. "That's all. You're dismissed."

Naruto shoves everything in his bag, purposely lingering on the last few pens as the last of the students file out of the classroom. Sakura glances back at him before she leaves, Ino's hand wrapped around her wrist, pulling her along. He tries not to linger on it.

"Sorry, Iruka-sensei," Naruto starts, but his voice is caught in his throat. The teacher raises an eyebrow. "For being late, I guess, and being loud when I came in." His words probably sound as unnatural as they feel. 

Iruka chuckles, but it's strained. "It's alright. I mean it. But I am kind of busy, and I need to plan out next week's lessons." 

The blonde takes the hint. "Bye, Iruka-sensei! See you next week!"

"You too, Naruto."

He slows down as he approaches the red-light district, maneuvering through the small crowd. Naruto slips into a short alleyway on, waiting out the flurry of people that pass. He follows after them, taking a sharp turn towards his apartment building. It's in the main area of Konoha, but really, really close to the district, and most of the vendors in it don't care about who he is when they sell to him.   
  
It's...better, thinks. Not good.

Just not as bad. 

("Watch where you're going, kid!"

"Sorry, oji-san! I didn't mean to bump into you!")

Not the _safest_ route, but...it's the fastest. It helps that he knows the area better than most of the middle-aged men he sees hanging around the brothels. He _does_ know the district better than the turns upon turns that led the other way home. 

(Because of larger-scaled pranks and escape routes from consequences of said pranks. He's not sure what that says about his character.)

He cracks open the door and peeks inside his apartment.

It looks like it did in the morning. That's good. He shuts the door behind him, flicking on the light as he glances around warily. Something's off. Different. Naruto closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. Someone _was_ here earlier, even if nothing was gone or tampered with. He can tell from the residing smell of cigar smoke and the remaining trail of chakra throughout the flat and up the outdoor stairs.

Naruto unconsciously sends a wave of his own chakra through the main room, nervously tapping on the doorframe. He knows for a fact that one of the chakra signatures is the Sandaime's, gentle and grounded, a bit of earthiness and lavender thrown into the mix- so he doesn't panic. The other one is oddly familiar. It's something that's seemed missing lately, but he'd chalked that up to his overactive imagination- missing the combination of intimidating and sharp, a soft warmth hidden far underneath the harsh exterior.

It feels almost electric, prickly even, as if you'd get shocked by simply touching the person.

It's a complicated signature. In the Academy, most people are straight-forward and easy to read.

His teammates aren't. Sasuke's chakra signature is cold and edged- and sometimes a heated electricity likes to make itself known from time to time. It's harsh and icy and unusual above all, but some days it's different, frozen over in a different way. Sakura's is gentle. Like some kind of river- clear and flowing, quickening when her emotions do. It speeds up when she's called up to spar or when she finds him waiting on his swing after school. It's warm and almost still when she's talking to Ino.

Naruto, content with his analysis and his check on the window locks, continues on his way- wallet now in his jacket pocket- to the bridge by the plaza. He still feels like it's going to be a good day. 

It _is_ going to be a good day.

She's nervous. And excited, but mostly nervous. This whole ordeal- receiving a scroll marking dates of meetings and a few names she only barely recognized- still felt like a fever dream, or something along those lines. 

Kizashi had ruffled her hair when he told her. Something she could only remember him doing through distant, blurry memories from god-knows-when, and she finally felt like she'd done something _right._

Sakura almost cried, throwing her arms around her dad and beaming up at him through teary eyelashes. All the outcomes laid out in front of her and staying awake in anticipation of what was to come.

She probably should've tried harder to figure out what her mother would say. 

Mebuki had pressed her lips together tightly, not bothering to look back at either of them before heading to bed. The air was tense and heated, a silent conversation between her parents. And she'd still thought her mother had taken it _well_. 

"I don't think you should go today, honey." Mebuki calls from the kitchen the moment she opens the front door, the familiar sound of water boiling and a knife against a cutting board ringing out into the air. She shuts it as her mother goes on. "We have that dinner with Aiko and my friends later tonight. It's important and you might get too hurt to go."

"Yes, but your clothes will get muddy, and you'll have to shower before-"

"I was already planning on showering when I got home."

"Sakura. I don't want you to go just to waste your time getting hurt." She shakes her head in response. Mebuki whines slightly, frowning. "Darling, please, think about it. It'll be too much of a hassle for today. Can't you reschedule?"

"I'll only be a bit."

"And this dinner is _really_ important to me, darling. Can't we put it first for today? We can do whatever you want tomorrow."

"Mom, please, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I can't just..."

"You know I'm only worried about you, right?"

"Yes, but-"

"Sakura, _please._ Aiko's daughter and Chisia's newborn are going to be there, and I don't want to be the only one there without..."

"I'm still going to go, it's just that this is... _important_." 

"Darling, I really don't want you to stress yourself worrying about the meeting before the party. Just come here and relax. You're done with your homework anyways, aren't you?" 

"I can't today, but..."

" _Fine_. I can see your priorities." Sakura starts to protest, but her mother puts a hand up. "No, go ahead. It's your decision, your future. I just wanted this _one_ thing from you."

She can't bring herself to say the words on the tip of her tongue, no matter how many times she rewords and revises the statement. 

" _Go_."

Sakura bites her lip again and slips out of the house before she can turn back. This- the idea of actually managing to become something in the world, someone worth _more_ than being married off to be nothing more than a housewife- is _more_ than another few lectures.

She's going to go.

Even if this hadn't been planned. (She should've known.)

She _knows_ that she's being rude and that her mother's going to be furious when she gets home, but she can't bring herself to care. Not right now.

Sakura'll deal with it then. 

When she gets to the bridge, she's a few minutes late and Sasuke's already there, sparing nothing more than a few assessing glances her way. 

Her voice comes out weaker than she means it to when she tries to greet him. 

He barely bothers with a response and looks away, facing the other side of the bridge- the third member of their party making its way to where they are. 

"Hey!" Naruto yells, now standing in front of them. 

His energy is indescribably warm while he grins, the tension in Sakura's shoulders slowly fading as he chatters about everything and nothing (at least not that she can keep up with)- the only thing she catches is him simply letting them know how absolutely _excited_ he is.

She notices Sasuke relax ever so slightly at Naruto's presence, and that's enough to convince her that she likes this team- that she already prefers two somewhat-strangers than a room of the familiar people her parents like to associate themselves with. 

It isn't new, talking to kids her age. Mainly the kind that are dropped into her room while their families chat over tea or brunch.

Those days, moments, hours are uncomfortable and stiff and almost painful to sit through on some days where it's essentially babysitting, nothing more.

This... _isn't_. 

It's unfamiliar and new and different. 

But it's _right,_ as far as she can tell.

It _feels_ right. Good. 

Sakura'll hold on to that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set three years before canon; the main cast is nine, and I'm building up to canon. (Eg; Naruto and Iruka's relationship hasn't been improved.)
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter! Healthy criticism is always welcome!
> 
> 12/13/2020: what is this. why is it so stiff how do I even fix this


	2. Problems and Solutions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter out! Healthy criticism is always welcome!

Kakashi _doesn't_ clench his fists, his nails very pointedly _aren't_ digging into his palms, and he's _calm._

He's simply fighting the urge to reach out as he watches a little blonde boy curl into himself, his swing rocking in the wind. The little girl sharing the sentiment from the bottom of the slide doesn't go unnoticed, frowning delicately as her mother- who has dirty blonde hair, green eyes, she's civilian born- pulls her away, harshly tugging at her wrist. He thinks he somehow likes the scene even less.

Naruto watches silently as she leaves, putting his hand up in a half-wave and she relaxes a little, mouth curving into somewhat of a smile before she returns it and turns around, pink hair flying against the wind. Kakashi smiles, because the blonde really does have the same calming effect Minato-sensei did, with Kushina's bright, searing energy instead of his teacher's steady, airy aura.

He'd thought checking up on Naruto would take his mind off of being removed from ANBU. It's...working. Kind of. The demotion itself is hard to think about, honestly. He is- _was_ Naruto's regular ANBU guard, and the boy himself is one of, no, the _only_ tie he has to his old life as Minato and Kushina's son. And it's been taken away from him for a second time, even if it's obvious the leave is just temporary. The empty feeling in his chest isn't going to fade when he gets his job back, he knows that. 

His attention shifts to a raven-haired kid- quite the contrast from the pure sunshine and warm rose of the other kids' hair, his brain notes- whose eyes are staring blankly ahead as he absently watches the other kids file out of the area. Kakashi knows that look, the waiting, _longing_ hurt in his eyes as he waits for someone to pick him up, more out of habit than anything else. That's what he spent the first and only year at the academy doing. 

Sasuke reminds him of himself, Kakashi thinks- the genius who lost everything he's ever known, though he could never imagine losing the entirety of his clan in one night. To his brother, nonetheless. 

(Sasuke isn't like Itachi at all when you put genetics aside. The quiet contemplation and the speeding through curriculum is the same, but Itachi held himself with a calm, poised grace, while Sasuke fits more of the stereotypical, arrogant Uchiha with far too much hurt behind those eyes.)

Minato and Kushina are Naruto's parents, and it's appalling that no one's figured out his heritage. It's uncanny to Kakashi. And when he sees the boy racing down the streets, he can't help but remember Obito. 

The girl from before, the one with the small, soft smile reminds him of Rin with her delicate movements and unnecessary kindness. 

It isn't the first time he's tried to force other people into the roles of his old team, and he resents himself for doing it- especially to Naruto and Sasuke- both have already lost so much, far _too_ much. 

But the revelation doesn't go away, not when he writes it down, not when he tells Gai, and not when he goes out to smoke with Asuma.

The odd connection is just there in the back of his mind.

"Which files did you say you wanted again, Hatake-san?"

"Naruto and Sasuke's. There's also a civilian girl I wanted to look into."

He pauses, sliding over the first two files. "No name?"

"Her hair was pink. Green eyes."

Recognition washes over the chunin's (whose name he is conveniently unaware of) features. "I can think of one kid. Name's Haruno Sakura. Does that ring a bell? Any bells?"

Haruno, _Haruno_. The name sounds oddly familiar. 

"The merchant family?"

"Yeah, the ones who always fuck up their investments. Apparently they used to be pretty high up back in the day, or so I've heard," The chunin pulls out a folder from the bottom of the pile triumphantly. "Now they're like the Uchiha of the civilian world, you get my drift?"

Kakashi's not paying much attention at this point, so he just nods, scanning through the files. There was some impulsive idea behind all of this, but he can't quite remember _what_. There was just something he felt like he needed to do. "Shit, their psych evals," he murmurs quietly. 

"Yeah, they flunked theirs. 'm not sure what the Yamanaka guy and all that are planning to do though. I hope they end up getting pulled out or something. I'd hate to have the fox brat stick around any longer."

"Mm." Kakashi hums, handing the folders back and ending the conversation. "Thank you, chunin-san."

"Nah, keep 'em. Least I can do, Hatake-san. Those're just copies anyway."

"Ah. Thanks again." 

He remembers the idea halfway through a semi-monthly midday drinking session with Gai, Asuma, and Kurenai, seated at their regular booth and talking about literally nothing. Kakashi hardly ever actually _drinks_ at these things, normally settling for some kind of mocktail or just water. 

Today's an exception. 

"How far do you think the Sandaime is willing to go to keep me out of ANBU?"

Asuma snorts derisively. "You're one of his favorites. He'd do a lot to keep the great 'Sharingan Kakashi' sane. If I'm being honest, more than he's willing to do to fix the academy system."

"Such unyouthful favoritism..." Gai mutters.

Kakashi's eyebrows furrow. "He thinks _I'm_ sane?"

"That's all you got from that?"

Kurenai laughs freely, leaning forward and taking a sip of her drink, what Kakashi thinks is tequila and lemon. Or something like that. "What did you have in mind though? There has to be _something_." 

"Naruto failed his psyche evaluation."

The air gets a little tenser. 

Gai huffs, clapping Kakashi on the shoulder. "Do not worry, my rival! I am sure that they are taking care of young Naruto's mental health!"

No one really agrees with that, and Kakashi's sure Gai doesn't either. 

"Wait, the academy evals were in like, December. Last month. You just found out?" Kurenai asks, frowning. 

"Yeah, you'd think they'd tell you earlier since you're the closest thing he has to a guardian."

Kakashi takes a swig from his beer, pressing his lips together as he swallows. The familiar burn of alcohol in his throat is welcomed. "Uh, actually. No one told me. I had a favor to cash in at the academy."

Asuma chokes on his own drink, coughing. Kurenai pats his back as she offers him a sip of her tap water. "What? You can't even _talk_ to the kid and Dad didn't even tell you that he blew his psych eval?"

"Nope. That's why I looked into-" he pulls out a couple of folded papers, smoothing them out and pressing them to the table. "-these two too."

"What the fuck are you even _planning_ , 'kashi?"

He's not really sure who said that, already downing the rest of his bottle. 

"Think about it. What do they have in common?"

"Aside from severe self-worth issues?" Inoichi somehow manages to joke. Shikaku sends him a look that makes him stare down, skimming through details. "Well, they're all isolated in some way. The Uchiha is too untrusting to create new relationships, Naruto is outcast by his peers, and Sakura doesn't interact with anyone aside from Ino. And- _oh_."

"You get it?"

"Yeah, but how would we encourage them to make friends?"

"Troublesome," Shikaku groans, continuing to sift through papers. "I thought you got it. Think about this. What are Sasuke and Naruto's goals?"

"Naruto wants to be Hokage and Sasuke wants to avenge his clan."

"And what would the fastest route to their goals be?"

"Specialized training...?"

"Exactly. If we put them all on the same team with the basis of getting stronger, they would have to interact regularly. Especially since the Uchiha isn't biased against Naruto, and Haruno's beliefs _should_ be easily swayed. Giving them a foundation to build off of should help them create more bonds in the future. Not to mention the potential these kids have- Sakura's chakra control is outstanding and the other two have clans behind them. We'd just have to be careful with telling Sakura's parents about Naruto and possibly Sasuke."

"Who would they train under?"

"Hatake. He's the one who gave me the team idea, honestly. He's set on being their teacher, and he said he's going to go back into ANBU otherwise."

"He did? I never expected Kakashi to be a kid kind of guy."

"Yeah. Naruto's an exception to everything, don't you think?" he sighs. "Then this matter is settled? I trust you'll go to the Sandaime with this. I'm unavailable for the rest of the day." The Nara stands up, brushing off his pants and stretching. 

"You're just going to take a nap, aren't you?"

Shikaku shrugs before sliding open the door and leaving. 

Holy shit, it _worked_. 

Kakashi stares incredulously as Sasuke joins into the conversation, his face beginning to contort into a smile. Sakura and Naruto glance at each other, both absolutely _beaming_ , before continuing to talk about everything they can think of- school, extra curriculum, that jutsu they learned last week. Well, everything except for home life, and it's obvious that they're all somewhat grateful it hasn't come up yet. Then Sasuke actually laughs and it's like the other two, mostly Naruto, have made it their personal goal to make the Uchiha laugh more. 

It makes Kakashi smile. Because this was a spur-of-the-moment, random-shower-thought idea and it's actually _happening_.

(Tenzo's missed _so_ much over the last two weeks.)

He decides that now is a good enough time to get a little bit closer, just so he can really study the kids for a second before dramatically revealing himself. He hasn't had anyone look up to him since he was thirteen, so he might as well make a good impression.

It doesn't work out that way. The moment he steps down from the tree, Naruto's head snaps up, quickly spinning in Kakashi's direction. His eyebrows furrow slightly, and a chakra wave passes through the jonin. The blonde grins, waving at Kakashi('s direction) enthusiastically. 

Nothing in Naruto's file said _anything_ about him being a sensor type. Especially not one powerful enough to sense an elite jonin _masking_ their chakra. (Maybe he wasn't really trying all that hard, but still. Or trying at all.) What else are the academy teachers missing, if something this _big_ about someone like _Naruto_ isn't noted?

"Sensei, is that you? You're late!"

"What?"

"You guys can't feel that?"

"Feel what?" 

"Maa, maa." Kakashi smiles, eye crinkled as he steps out of the shadows. "Why do you think I'm your sensei?"

"You were in my apartment earlier today, weren't you? And I know your chakra!" Naruto pauses, eyebrows furrowing as he seems to think further on his point. "You were with Jiji!"

"Now, I never said you were wrong." He ruffles Naruto's hair, and they all automatically look up at him, stars in their eyes- Naruto grinning, Sakura shyly smiling, and Sasuke _not_ _frowning._ They look so innocent and excited and-

And Kakashi's already attached. Great. Not like he needed any more of that. He smiles back, even though no one can really see it. He's been doing that a lot today. In the last ten minutes. "So why don't you introduce yourselves?"

Naruto pouts up at him, blonde hair falling back. "You first, sensei!" The other two nod in agreement. 

He shrugs, trying not to think about how Naruto is an exact blend of his parents: Minato’s blue, blue eyes and blonde-bordering-on-yellow hair, Kushina’s facial structure and scrawny figure.

"My name is Hatake Kakashi and I'm an elite jonin of Konoha. Okay, your turn, blondie. Just your name and a fact. It could be anything, your life goals, something you like to do."

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I'm going to be Hokage someday!" It's odd, how this kid can say something and your first instinct is to believe it, no questions asked. 

Kakashi nods in approval, turning his head towards Sakura.

She fidgets, frowning. "Oh, my name is Haruno Sakura and...and, um. I like to draw?" It comes out as more of a question than anything, but it's good enough. Naruto turns to Sasuke expectantly.

He stares back at the blonde, who sticks his tongue out childishly. Sasuke scrunches up his nose, dryly replying. "My name is Uchiha Sasuke. My goal is to avenge my clan." His voice is flat, words rehearsed and stiff. Well. Kakashi supposes that the idea of introductions on their first day isn't exactly _hard_ to predict.

Kakashi supposes he has work to do now. 

And for the first time in a long time, he's looking forward to it. 

He smiles, clapping his hands together. "C'mon, we don't have all night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Successfully rewritten! I did cut out the Kakashi/Hokage meeting, but Hiruzen was just like 'you're smart, I suppose I'll give you this'. Also Konoha is corrupted as hell haha-
> 
> This story is going to be more of a background to the main book lol. This is mainly just for recorded world building.


	3. Cracked Foundation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't like the first version lol- so here's an late and improved version!

Okay. This is fine. Absolutely, positively _fine_.

Naruto is...well, _Naruto_.

The Naruto he's become familiar with through the years of watching from the sidelines is regularly _loud_ , impulsive, but the moment it's his turn to start going through katas, Kakashi realizes that almost all of his forms are incorrect, though the base seems sound, almost as if he'd been deliberately taught altered stances. 

Which, Kakashi starts to realize, is probably true. It's only their, what, _third_ , time meeting and he's about to storm up to the Hokage Tower and demand answers as to why Naruto's education has most likely been sabotaged and why Sakura flinches every time someone raises their voice. He already knows the answers. 

The thought that he might be too late, that things might've been different, _better,_ if he'd stepped in as a guardian for Sasuke or tried a little harder for Naruto- is chipping away at him, slowly but surely. His mind goes back to wondering if he could've helped Sakura somehow. 

Maybe he could've...

Maybe not. 

He really just wants to feel like he's doing _something_ to help these kids. 

_Selfish,_ Kakashi's mind whispers, and he agrees. He _should_ be doing this for _them_ , not to make himself feel better about abandoning his own responsibilities.

They're diamonds in the rough, soiled and caked in mud and who-knows-what, but glowing potential visible under all of it. 

He's been rather impressed with them since they'd decided to work together in his own, sort of gentler, version of the bell test. 

He takes a second to think about it as he looks them over. Naruto and Sakura really aren't dressed for training- Naruto in a cheap orange tee and flimsy shorts, as well as worn, second-hand shinobi sandals that are just a little bit too big on his feet, and Sakura in a teal, fitted top with a black skirt to match. She'd taken off her flats when they started running laps, revealing little blisters on her toes and ankles. Naruto's clothes are too flowy and loose for proper training, while Sakura's are too dressy and constricted movement.

Kakashi jumps slightly when Naruto gingerly pokes his leg. "That didn't hurt."

_What the actual-?_

"No, Naruto, of course not." He murmurs, tilting his head in confusion. Sakura stifles a laugh from behind Naruto and Sasuke is staring into the distance indifferently. "Why would you think that?"

"Your chakra got all, uhm, pokey- yeah that's the word!- earlier, so I wanted to see if I'd get poked if I touched you..?" The look on the blonde's face tells the jonin that he knows that his explanation sounds stupid, but Kakashi is really just intrigued because he gets what he was trying to say. 

Naruto is an empathetic sensor. Of course he is. Being able to sense so well at such a young age is rare in itself, but being able to notice the changes in one's chakra that come with emotion is appalling. Maybe it's a side effect of having the Nine-Tails sealed into him so early. The idea that these changes even happen are myths to the majority of the shinobi world, and this kid just _feels_ it without even knowing the extent of his power. 

He didn't even know that his abilities were special until Kakashi explained it.

(Sasuke's face had gone dark for a moment, but he'd been reprimanded for it. He needs to learn to work with his teammates rather than envy them.)

"You can sense _that_ too?" He asks, because that's the only thing he can. 

Naruto nods, flushed, and his eyes plead for a subject change. 

Sasuke mutters something under his breath.

Kakashi sighs, pretending not to hear. "Maa, enough about that. I was thinking," He steals a glance up to the sky, and it looks like it's about two in the afternoon. "That we could do some sparring. Sasuke, I want you to help Sakura with her fluidity, okay?"

He watches as Sasuke leads a slightly nervous Sakura away and they begin before he turns to the blonde. The jonin makes a shadow clone and sends it to watch them. Just to be safe. "Get ready, kiddo." He performs a henge on himself so that he isn't as tall. 

Naruto stares, grumbling at the pet name before complying. His beginning stance, while noticeably better than it was three hours ago, is still sloppy. Kakashi makes his point by quickly sending a kick to his left ankle. The blonde falls flat on his ass, groaning as he gets up and adjusts his foot before looking up at the jonin.

Kakashi grins under his mask, sending simultaneous shivers down his students' spine. "Good. Now move your arm to this side a little, yes, there. Block and try not to lose your balance." He waits a moment before attacking, giving Naruto a moment to comprehend his movements. The blonde manages to block the first few punches, but flails helplessly after Kakashi targets his leg. "You need to be aware of every angle, look underneath the underneath."

God, he's been waiting to say that to him since Kushina announced she was pregnant.

"Again."

He blocks four hits this time, not losing balance when the jonin attempts to kick him. 

"Now try to get a hit in."

Kakashi lets his guard down for a moment, urging Naruto to come closer. The blonde tilts his head slightly before acting- rushing forward impulsively with his arms guarding his face. The former throws a punch, Naruto just barely blocking it before attempting to land a hit of his own while Kakashi sidesteps, the blonde stumbling forward. He barely catches himself before his sensei engages him again.

"In the ninja world, little mistakes like that will get you killed."

Naruto lands a sloppy punch to the jonin's stomach and freezes abruptly. Kakashi raises his visible eyebrow as his gaze steadily darkens, message clear: _you don't have time to hesitate._ The blonde gulps as he jumps back, ready in stance again, and Kakashi confuses him as he goes into a defensive stance. 

"Go ahead. I'm not going to try anything."

He doesn't, allowing Naruto to attack him with impulsive kicks and messy hits, half-heartedly blocking.

"Try a roundhouse kick while you're positioned like that," Naruto looks up at him, confused. Kakashi sighs, turning away from the blonde and kicking into the air. "Like this. See how I'm sort of facing left? It'll take more time for you to move back into a different stance to attack." 

The blonde nods minutely, head still tilted as he takes in the information. 

"Let's try something else, ne?" Kakashi dispels his henge, leading Naruto to a training post. "I want you to kick this post. Just once." He can feel Sasuke and Sakura looking over curiously. 

The order is followed, but Naruto's stance goes off balance the moment he raises his leg and he _wobbles_. As in almost falls. Kakashi sighs again, crouching and adjusting the blonde's left leg- the one staying on the ground- so that it isn't so stiff. It automatically goes back when the jonin lets go. Naruto glances down sheepishly, anxiously clenching and unclenching his fists when he realizes what he's done, trying to shift back. 

Pride blooms in Kakashi's chest, and he thinks that he likes it. He thinks that he could maybe get used to this. 

And maybe, just maybe, he could get used to seeing the looks on three kids' faces when packages of proper gear end up on bedroom floors.

She knows. Of course she does- you'd have to be _blind_ to think that she was any good at taijutsu or target practice or really _anything_ that had to do with the physical side of being a ninja. She can't run more than _two_ _laps_ around the academy field without feeling like her legs are going to give out beneath her. She can't even hold a kunai properly, always avoiding the blade like touching it would kill her on impact. She knows that all she's worth is sitting there and looking pretty while telling people she's never seen before about made up curriculum and straight A's that only half exist. 

Sakura already knows that she has no _given_ potential to be a good shinobi, that she doesn't have a bloodline like Sasuke and she can't sense like Naruto. She knows that the Sandaime probably chose wrong when he chose _her_. But to hell with it, she's going to _try_ , and try _hard_ , because she's never had anything to really work for before- for herself, and not her parents. Even if the only reason she wanted to be a ninja is because it would be good for her family name. 

But this is _new_ , and it's _hers_. 

She watches quietly as Kakashi-sensei adjusts her thumb so that it presses against the end of the kunai, tightening her grip. "You have to hold it tight. The way you were doing it before," He picks a spare knife off the ground, lightly wrapping his fingers around the handle, thumb hanging off slightly. "You'd drop it or accidentally throw it while fighting."

Sakura nods minutely, staring down at the kunai and squeezing it slightly, other hand fidgeting with the hem of her leggings and absently tucking in part of her training shirt. 

"If you get cut, it's not the end of the world, you know." His tone is surprisingly gentle and parently, unlike the cold voice her father had used this morning when she'd let her parents know that they were probably going to get dinner after training. 

He told her not to get too used to this, that her team probably wouldn't stay together until graduation. A sharp, unwanted contrast from his former support.

"I know, it's just that.." Sakura tries, brushing her hair out of her face with her left hand. The sound of Naruto and Sasuke arguing fades further into the background.

"It's scary?"

She nods, murmuring. "My hand kinda hurts."

Kakashi raises his visible eyebrow. "A lot?"

"No, it's just kinda...uncomfortable." Sakura winces at how fragile she sounds. 

"Well, that's normal. You haven't developed callouses yet," the jonin removes one of his gloves, taking Sakura's kunai and setting on the ground. He offers her his hand and she takes it. "See?"

"Oh." A vague memory of Sakura's mother telling her that boys liked girls with soft, warm hands, unmarred and clean forces itself into her mind. She decides to ignore it.

"As a ninja, you'll need to train hard, and that means getting yourself dirty or hurt sometimes. It's not easy, but that's how the world works. Are you really okay with that?" 

"Yes." And she knows that she's absolutely sure of it. She wants to do this, and she isn't going to let a little mud scare her away. 

Kakashi-sensei smiles and she can see the faint outline through his mask. He pats her head as he stands up, ruffling her pink hair- such a small show of affection, but so blatant and foreign that her mind doesn't register it for a moment. She just stands there for a moment, grinning up at him brightly when he tilts his head toward the boys, both yelling that _no, **I'm** doing it right!_

He sighs, gesturing for her to follow. It feels like routine at this point, the boys arguing obnoxiously while Kakashi mediates with a jumbled mix of exasperation and fondness in his voice as he tells them off. 

"That _isn't_ how you hold a shuriken, moron- no,stop _,_ that's _worse_."

"Then you do it!"

"I will!" Sasuke snatches the weapon out of his hand, adjusting his grip and flinging it at one of the targets. He hits the bullseye dead-on. 

Naruto splutters out an insult before the Uchiha rolls his eyes and places the shuriken into the blonde's right hand, fixing his grip, almost the same way Kakashi-sensei did with Sakura. He promptly shuts up.

"Stop staring at me, idiot."

"Bastard! You're the one trying to help me! Of course I'm watching!"

"Hn." Sasuke moves Naruto's wrist and flicks it with two fingers, gesturing towards the target. "Normally people try to _throw_ shuriken."

The blonde rolls his eyes but listens, throwing it at the painted circle on the tree, managing to just barely hit the edge of the target. 

"So you're _not_ completely incompetent. I never would've guessed."

"Why, you little-"

"Little? I'm taller than you."

"Asshole!"

" _Language,_ boys."

Sakura laughs.

Routine, indeed.

She doesn't have much of a routine with her parents, except for the constant business trips her father takes, leaving her to listen to her mother's constant _suggestions,_ the ones that feel more like orders than anything as she belittles her daughter's choices, making sure that Sakura knows that shinobi life won't work out in the long run. That she'll have to settle down and become a housewife eventually.

(And she's probably right, yeah, but...Sakura doesn't want her to be.)

Or maybe it's the family dinners that they have with some of their rich friends, the kind where she has to dress up and smile, letting her parents brag about her grades and the fact that her best friend is the Yamanaka clan's heir. Repeatedly reminding them that someday she'll be a ninja, living a fairytale. The mothers always gush over the idea of her rescuing a pretty boy and falling in love on a dangerous mission, their romanticized idea of danger painful to listen to. The others tell her how lucky she is to get the chance to leave the village often when she gets older, being able to travel and see the world like they wouldn't be able to. Living their dreams through her.

(Sakura asked Sasuke and Naruto about it during lunch earlier in the week, wondering aloud if civilians really understand what shinobi life _is_. 

Naruto bit his lip, curling in on himself. "They think it's all...nice. Like all sunshine and rainbows and stuff. It's not." 

Sasuke didn't comment, eyes glazed over as he glared at the ground, sneering at the grass. None of them minded when Naruto abruptly changed the subject to ramen. Not even because it was ramen. 

They didn't pick up the topic after that.)

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I glossed over the bell test because there wouldn't be much of a change from canon besides Sakura not having a crush on Sasuke, and they would make an attempt to work together, which is enough to help them pass. So many stories have had a bell test scene, and I honestly don't feel like writing it to add what, two changes?


	4. New. Different.

"So…” Naruto pauses for a moment as he shuts the door behind him. “do you want tea?” He doesn't wait for a reply in favor of turning around and hurrying the dozen feet or so into the kitchen area. Messily poured water heats in a pot as he rummages through the cabinets. Sasuke watches as Naruto fumbles with the box of tea bags, almost dropping the box twice. 

The Uchiha sighs in discontent, adjusting himself onto the small, somewhat uncomfortable couch and observing the living room. It isn't _messy_ , but there's a worn-looking hamper in the corner, a few pieces of old clothing littering the area around it, and the sink is almost filled with dishes; maybe a week's worth of plates and silverware. Three small houseplants and one cactus are neatly lined up on the dusty windowsill, the outlines of more on the balcony. Plants are something Sasuke didn't expect from Naruto of all people- considering his non-existent fine motor skills. 

It’s...fitting, somehow. 

Sakura is looking around too- walking around silently, the floorboards creaking with most steps. Her hands are held in front of her, fingers lightly intertwined. 

Sasuke can recognize certain notes of the old lullaby she’s humming under her breath. 

The familiarity only serves to make him more uncomfortable, keeps him farther on guard. 

He presses the palm of his left foot to the laminate flooring, lowering his right before stretching his legs out. 

Naruto places three mismatched cups onto the chipped surface coffee table in front of them. Sakura finally looks up at the faint _clunk_ of the cheap porcelain hitting the wood. She wrings her hands out one last time- presumably to shake some kind of nervousness away- before taking her seat on the other side of the couch. 

“Matcha and roasted rice,” Naruto blurts. The stiffness is still evident in the atmosphere, lingering. 

Not to leave anytime soon. 

“Thank you,” Sakura’s voice is muted to his ears, like it’s coming through from another room.

Sasuke looks up at the blonde, feeling the corners of his mouth curve down. From what he’s seen, it isn’t like Naruto to be _nervous._ He’s always been rather out there, not caring about embarrassment or about others’ reactions. 

Well, maybe that last part isn’t quite true. He’s noticed the quiet glances around the room, to Iruka- gauging reactions and trying to get _something_ out of _someone_. 

He takes the last teacup.

Sakura glances at him as she takes her first sip of her tea. Sasuke follows when Naruto gives him an odd look. He focuses his attention to the scattered remnants of paint on the surface of the porcelain cup in the blonde’s hands as he blows at his own tea. 

It _is_ , in fact, green tea and roasted rice. 

Not his favorite due to the...unique nature of its bitterness. He normally chooses tea blends on the basis of medicinal properties rather than taste. 

Sakura thanks the other boy again, her smile a bit awkward but there all the same as she adds, “I like the tea.”

“It’s good,” Sasuke agrees in response to Naruto’s unsaid question, just loud enough so both his teammates can (somewhat?) hear him. 

The blonde nods and grins, and some of the tension dissipates.

Sasuke drinks more of his tea and wonders if he could get used to the taste. 

(He notices that Naruto doesn’t drink any himself, and wonders if he could find the year-old tea tin of a jasmine/lavender blend somewhere in the back of a kitchen cabinet somewhere. For his own convenience.)

A week later, he makes a point to find it. 

He manages...just ten minutes before training starts. 

Sasuke takes over tea that day, allowing himself to smirk when both Sakura and Naruto finish theirs. He can’t recall whether Sakura drank hers originally, but he thinks she might’ve, probably just to be polite. 

This, _whatever_ it is, becomes a regular occurrence, cramped together on one side of Ichiraku’s- after Kakashi orders his own takeout with a quick farewell- and ignoring the odd stares from passersby. It probably _does_ look weird- three nine-year-olds, one who’s notorious for pranks, some girl, and Sasuke’s not even _sure_ how he’s addressed in the village’s whispers, sitting together. 

Eating ramen. 

(They always order whatever Naruto gets, really. 

Sasuke’s not sure he gets the difference between his orders. Or if there even _is_ one. 

_Is_ there?)

It _is_ odd, even to Sasuke himself. The last month of meeting up and training and existing, _together._ Weekly training sessions slowly bleeding into study sessions and trying restaurants that serve things other than ramen. Kakashi-sensei sighing fondly and allowing them access to one of the older training fields. One with a small, flowing stream hidden behind an outstretch of trees. 

It’s definitely odd and _different_ and maybe even overwhelming. But Sasuke doesn’t mind. He doesn’t mind a challenge, never has, and never will. 

He might like it a little too much, in all honesty. 

Kakashi, at first, thinks that Naruto wants to go out _with him_ because he's somehow figured out that his eating habits are terrible. He chalks that theory up to paranoia and memories of Kushina. Then, he thinks it's because Naruto, being a very short, stubby, nine-year-old child, would need help reaching things on shelves and picking out better vegetables and whatnot. 

He was wrong.

He was so terribly _wrong_. 

No, Naruto wants Kakashi to go shopping with him because of the _people._ These full-grown adults who glare and whisper about him, who turn him out of stores and tell him to come back when there aren't so many customers who'll see him, who lead their children away the moment he comes near. The ones who pretend he's not there until he leaves. 

Yeah, he's been the kid's ANBU guard for years, he's seen the looks, the people, but he's never been in this position before. Kakashi's never seen Naruto look as _small_ as he does, trailing hesitantly behind Kakashi while they walk through the market, plainly ignoring all the stares they're getting. 

Mothers discreetly pull their children towards other vendors. An older man stops and stares at his student, so Kakashi returns a harsher look with his one eye, vaguely gesturing to the hitai-ate covering the other- a hand dropping down to the holster on his leg. 

The man looks away. 

He scoffs. 

“Sensei,” Naruto’s voice cuts through his train of thought. “Where are we going?”

“Ah, there’s a nice armory in this area. It’s where my sensei used to take me when I was around your age.” He hums, watching as his student’s eyebrows furrow.

“Your teacher?”

Kakashi glances back down at Naruto and noting how the blue of his eyes is the exact same shade Minato’s were. “Namikaze Minato.” The pit in his chest grows, and his jonin vest is suddenly a little too heavy on his shoulders. He tugs at the blonde boy, pulling his shoulders so that they can fit through the thin walkway single-file.

Naruto’s eyes are wide, _starstruck_ , “The Fourth Hokage?” He runs in front of Kakashi, arms flailing around wildly. “No _way_! _He_ was your _teacher?_ ”

The jonin laughs, scanning the area ahead for the shop’s door. “He was.” Before his student can bombard him with questions, he nudges the boy toward the sign reading, _Daiju Smithing and Emporium: Only The Finest!_ The wood of the sign is chipped, paint faded, but Kakashi takes in the familiarity of the shop all the same. 

“Welcome, welcome!” The windchimes at the door ring out as they step in. “Give me a moment!”

He hasn’t been here in a while, always sending Tenzo or Genma to pick up what he needs. 

Kana must be at _least_ seventeen by now, judging by how tall they seem from the shop’s entrance. The last time he saw the kid...

“Oh, Kakashi-san,” they look up from their work, lifting their welding mask and raising an eyebrow. “It’s been a while. I hear you’ve taken in a couple of pests. _Willingly_.” Their gaze moves down to Naruto, and they don’t falter in the slightest.

He finally breathes.

“You’re not wrong.” he nods to Kana, then back to his student. “Daiju Kana, Uzumaki Naruto.”

Naruto nods half-heartedly, still scanning the room. 

Kana, with their ever-present affinity for kids, simply points back to a section with their thumb. “C’mon, let’s get you sized and all. Unless you wanted something else for him.” 

“You’re the expert.”

They peel their goggles off and over their head, pulling off two heavy gloves, neatly setting everything on the table before running a hand through their short, dark hair. Kana gestures to the front of the shop. “Feel free to do whatever, browse, loiter. You can come with, too. Up to you.” 

Naruto doesn’t even _look_ back at him as he follows, entranced by the mannequins and weaponry hung on the walls.

Traitor.

“Maa, maa. Not giving me much of a choice here, are you?” 

Kana laughs. “I’ll leave the door open.” 

“You’re in their hands now, kid.”

Naruto finally looks back at him, waves, and follows Kana into the next room. 

_Their._

_Their?_

It doesn’t seem like there’s anyone else in here, right? Maybe Kakashi-sensei was talking about the shop as a whole...

But he has a feeling that’s not it. He frowns, confused.

Kana-san’s chakra has this fleeting, flying feeling to it, traces of thunderstorms and burning campfires throughout the room. There’s another signature he can feel, just barely. It’s not here and he thinks he’d assign it supermarket roses as a scent.

That’s all. 

If he focuses hard enough, he can see himself sitting in a rainstorm, simple and pleasant.

Just...existing with nature, peaceful. Sweet. 

Naruto’s still standing in the middle of the room, observing the sewing tools and heavy-duty fabrics laying around. There’s a bench to his left and a long table on his right.

Kana-san manages a sigh as he- she? Naruto honestly can’t tell- emerges from the closet in the corner, wiping at sweat with a clean looking rag hanging on a rack by the door. 

“Oh, kid, you can sit down over there.” 

He complies, swinging his legs back and forth, tapping at the leather seating. Naruto’s not quite sure what’s happening, but he doesn’t _really_ mind as long as he gets to see everything around. 

“Are you a boy or a girl?” Naruto asks when Kana-san comes back out. He _knows_ it’s a weird question, but the short-ish hair, thin frame, and rough features are just... _different_ from what he’s used to when he sees people. 

“Neither,” Kana answers, easily. 

“What..?” 

“ _Neither_.”

“...why?”

Naruto has a feeling this kind of conversation isn’t new. The atmosphere is worn and weary all of a sudden, and he wonders if he'd overstepped at all. 

“Because it’s what makes me, well. Me.” 

Naruto _thinks_ that makes sense. He wouldn’t take his own word for it, though. 

“Is that...why Sensei said they? Instead of um, he or she? Because you’re not a boy or a girl?”

“Precisely. It differs, though.”

The silence is more comfortable now, but his thoughts are jumbled. 

“I didn’t know you could just...do that. Choose.”

Kana hums, pulling their hair back with a cloth headband, auburn hair _just_ long enough that it works. “You can. That’s honestly all there is to it.”

Naruto doesn’t answer, fingers back to tapping at the synthetic leather. 

They look back at him for a moment before tossing him a little cube, a dark grey with white buttons and a silver sphere sticking out of one of its faces. He barely manages to catch it. 

“Mess with that if you want. I have enough.” Their smile is lopsided, a mischievous glint in their eyes. “I’ll put it on Kakashi’s tab.”

“He has a tab?”

The measuring tape is _cold_. 

Naruto raises his arms out in front of his torso, allowing Kana-san to bend his fingers around. 

He immediately reaches back for the cube once Kana turns around to scribble (what Naruto assumes are his measurements) in a notebook. The plastic itself feels oddly nice in his grip, and each button makes a different clicking noise. He glances back up at Kana. They don’t seem to mind the noise, simply straightening out their dust-coated apron. 

“Alright, so what I normally do for Genin is a standard-grade weapon or weapons that’ll work best with their with their fighting style, etcetera. A holster, too, if they need one.” They hum, seemingly in thought. “Does that sound good?”

“Can I see those swords too? Over there?” Naruto points, after a good twenty minutes dragging Kana around the shop’s selection. “They look really awesome.”

“You _do_ know that looks aren’t everything for weapons, don’t you?”

He’s offended for a moment, huffing. “Of course I do! It’s just that they’re _cool._ ”

“You know all the flashy stuff is for Jonin and ANBU, right?”

“I can handle it!”

“Can you now?”

“Yeah!”

He really can’t.

Oops.

Naruto tries to lift the sword, the engravings covering its handle digging into his skin. Kana laughs and takes it from his grasp, flipping it around for show and sheathing it. 

He huffs.

They’ve finally managed to move past the heavy set weaponry and armor, now standing in a section of simpler, lighter things. Kana studies a sword with a thin blade and hands it to Naruto. The area around them is rather open, spacey enough. “How’s this?”

He swings it around, trying to be careful. Well, as careful as he _can_. 

Which honestly isn’t much. 

The sword itself is light and comfortable in his grip, but there’s something off about it. 

The next one is no different, just…

Wrong. 

“We’ve got all the time in the world,” Kana reminds him. “Just let me know what you want.”

The next ten weapons aren’t his type; Kana-san tells him to take his time as he rearranges a shelf on the other side of the room. 

Naruto _may_ have knocked a _few_ things down.

The final weapon is a set of five small daggers, each the same size. He might’ve snuck a few glances at this particular box earlier, too.

“These?” They seem surprised, but he doesn’t pay any mind to their expression. 

“I like how they feel,” Naruto answers, grinning. He really does enjoy the heavier weight to the blade, the way it simply feels...right. 

He twirls it around his fingers, like Sasuke showed him that one time, and Kana laughs as he almost stabs them in the hand. “Careful, now. Wouldn’t want to stab anyone on premises.”

They’re completely silent after a moment of examining the blade. Naruto doesn’t interrupt. “I feel like you’re the flashy type. You wanna be a jutsu specialist, or something of that sort?” 

“Yeah! Kaka-sensei always says I have a lot of chakra.”

“That explains why you’re so drawn to these, I suppose. These are a good choice, versatile. Myself, I’d use them as a secondary attack as some sort of follow up. Maybe channel chakra into them.”

Naruto hadn’t even thought about that, and he really, _really_ likes the idea. “Would chakra make it sharper?”

“Depends. If it’s wind, yeah- textbook definition of _sharper_ ,” Kana hums, placing the blade back into the box and gesturing for the younger to follow him. “If it’s fire or lightning, then it’d hurt like hell. Earth, not sure. Non-elemental, more power in the blow. You get the gist?”

“I think?”

He didn’t. 

“Good. Now let’s go get you checked out. These should be ready by next week at the latest.” They sigh, stretching to crack their back and glancing at Naruto again.   
  


“Hold me to that.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kana's design leaves lots of room for imagination since Naruto isn't a detail oriented person or a reliable narrator. When Sakura meets them, though?That's a whole other story.


	5. Birthday Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why Sakura doesn't like to be called 'Sakura-chan'. Also, be warned, this is sickeningly sweet towards the end. _My_ teeth hurt, and I'm the one writing.

Sakura smiles, forcing her lips to curve up as she takes the gift bag from one of the women at the party. "Thank you."

"Happy birthday, Sakura-chan."

It gets a little harder to keep her posture polite as she bows. "Have a good day, Aiko-san."

"Of course." Aiko puts a hand on her shoulder, unwanted fingers brushing against pink locks- ignoring the dismissal completely. Sakura's instincts _scream_. "By any chance, do you know where your mother is?"

She shakes her head, shrugging the hand off in response and ignoring the urge to pull the kunai she's supposed to have hidden (but doesn't because that's just not a good idea) in her dress out.

"If you see her, tell her I was looking for her." The woman pats Sakura's head before she leaves.

Sakura sighs in relief, allowing her shoulders to slump as she quickly makes her way through the small crowd, unnoticed. Unusual, considering she's supposed to be the object of attention. Not that she's complaining. Every moment out of the spotlight adds another five years to her lifespan. She slips out the back door, where most of her dad's friends are smoking and drinking. They don't seem to notice her, caught up in their own conversations.

She straightens out her pink, frilly dress and takes a deep breath, regretting it immediately as she chokes on the smell of tobacco in the air.

Against her better judgement, she decides to go back inside. For her lungs.

Of course, she isn't really given the chance to _come_ _in_ before her mother grasps her hand and pulls her to the dining room, smile far too sweet as people stop to greet them. "Sakura-chan! Darling, come here! Emiko, this is Sakura, my birthday girl. Say hi, love."

"...hi."

"Awe, isn't she cute? Shy, too."

"Yes, yes. Sakura, be polite."

Sakura bows slightly, hesitantly stretching out her hand. "Hello, Emiko-san."

The woman takes it, her grip overwhelmingly gentle. "I've heard you're in the ninja academy right now. I've been thinking about enrolling my son when he gets old enough."

She nods in response.

"I've also heard that you have straight A's. That must be exciting."

"Yes," A look from her mother makes her add, "-I'm currently ranked top kunochi in my class."

"Wow! That's quite the achievement."

"Thank you."

"I remember when _I_ was younger, I always wanted to be a ninja so the boys would think I was cool. I wasn't nearly as much of a natural as you though- I actually failed the exams three times, so I never got to really live the shinobi life. I honestly don't remember much, but I did meet my husband there."

Sakura nods along to the story, trying not to seem as disinterested as she is. She holds back a shudder at the obvious romanticization of 'shinobi life'. This woman wouldn't have lasted long- if anything Kakashi-sensei says is credible.

"You should get back to your party now," Emiko hands her a red envelope. "Nice meeting you, Sakura-chan."

"Thank you." Sakura tilts her head in acknowledgment as her mother puts a hand on her shoulder, already leading her towards the next guest to greet.

This was going to be a long night.

**~**

She wakes up at four in the morning the next day. Of course.

It's her _actual_ birthday today. March 28th. Not that anyone would bother remembering. 

Sakura stares at the small pile of presents in the corner of the room- either gift cards, makeup, or storybooks, which she appreciates. Mostly. Her gaze falls to the messy pile of ripped up wrapping paper (courtesy of her little cousins) and the girl forces herself out of bed. Leaning down, she gathers up the majority of the mess into her arms to deposit into the large trash bag, repeating the process until she's finished.

A shower sounds nice right about now.

Her eyes search through the presents as she sighs, closing her bedroom door behind her. Her parents did say that their present was the party- not that she's ungrateful- but she didn't _want_ a gathering. She'd said so _months_ in advance and no one had even told her that there was going to _be_ a party until the morning of.

She steps into the water, letting herself get used to the heat while she runs soap through her hair.

(It's almost like her opinion doesn't matter anymore.)

Her parents hadn't been listening when Sakura said that she wanted to spend her birthday with Ino instead of hosting a big party. She'd just caught them at the wrong time. It happens.

Sakura switches off the water, taking in the cool air and shivering. She wraps a towel around herself, hesitantly leaving. She gets dressed; her reflection staring back at her as she brushes her hair. It's gotten a little longer over the last few months, reaching down to her collarbone now. It has to be tied up for training now, with the red ribbon Ino gave her when they were little.

Ino's one of three people she really wants to see today.

Maybe she'll get to hang out with all of them if she leaves for school early. And maybe taking a detour to a friend's apartment would help.

Sakura pulls a black jacket over her new favorite dress, one of the ones Kakashi gave her after training the week before as early presents. It's light grey with maroon detailing, falling just above her knees. It's loose enough to run _and_ fight in, the sleeves relatively short, _and_ _it has_ _pockets._

(She really likes the pockets. Having them makes her feel weirdly powerful.)

**~**

She's not sure what to do when she gets to Naruto's apartment. It's still too early in the morning, maybe five at best, so Naruto's probably still asleep. And even if Sasuke _is_ here, she knows that he isn't a morning person whatsoever.

Naruto tells detailed stories. Especially if they involve a cranky Sasuke after sleepovers. Those happen to be her favorite because of the way the Uchiha goes red, firmly acting like he isn't blushing and insisting that _none of it_ happened. She also likes the way Naruto gets a little more enthusiastic with every time Sasuke splutters out a protest.

It's entertaining.

Sakura hesitates as she raises her hand to the door, floating midair for a moment before Naruto appears in front of her, that blinding grin covering his face. 

"I knew it was you! Ha, take that, Sasuke!"

"Hn." The Uchiha raises a hand in greeting, scowling at Naruto. "I'm going back to sleep."

"What about our-" he stops, lowering his voice to a stage whisper and covering his mouth with a hand. "- _present?"_

"Let her in first, you idiot." Sasuke disappears from her view as the blonde steps aside so she can enter.

Sakura stifles a giggle, biting her lip as guilt bubbles up. "You didn't have to get me anything." 

Both boys pointedly ignore her, Sasuke sending her the most unimpressed look over his shoulder as he retrieves something from the kitchen- two packages, both wrapped in glossy red paper. One of them is precise and clean in its folds, the other missing small spots of color with crinkled paper, but overall done the same way. He hands them both to Naruto, who excitedly passes them to her. 

"Happy birthday, Sakura!"

"I-uhm-thank you-" 

Sasuke raises an eyebrow, smirking good-naturedly. "Well, open them."

Naruto nods excitedly. 

She sticks out her tongue at the former- something she wouldn't have ever _thought_ about doing to the Uchiha four months prior- and decides to open Naruto's present first; gently removing the tape and unfolding the the paper. Five new, cellophane-wrapped kunai gleam up at her, much more professional looking than the scratched up set she borrows from the academy. "Wow," Sakura looks up at Naruto, somewhat breathless. "Thank you."

He grins back. "Open the next one! They're kind of together."

"A set." Sasuke provides.

"Yeah, that!"

Sakura puts the package aside and opens the second one in the same manner, revealing a beige holster and a box of shuriken that were made by the same weaponry. 

"I...thank you." She genuinely can't think of anything else to say, so she carefully places everything on the couch next to her and jumps up to hug them both. It's clear that neither of them are used to the physical contact yet, and frankly, neither is she. Naruto hugs back with everything he's got once he comes to his senses, while Sasuke's arms hang limply at his sides. He still leans into them both. 

**~**

They _do_ eventually part ways, Sasuke trudging back to bed with Naruto following suit, albeit reluctantly, when Sakura leaves for home- before her parents notice that she's gone. She glances down at the holster strapped to her leg as she climbs through her window. Channeling a little bit of chakra into her ears, she focuses on her parents' room down the hall. There's light snoring and Sakura allows herself a small smile as she grabs one of the novels from her little pile of presents, sitting back onto her bed. 

School starts at eight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this chapter's so late! I was out of town the entire weekend without my laptop and I ended up rewriting everything I did on my phone. I at least hope you enjoyed it. :D


	6. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- If you are sensitive to panic attacks/throwing up, skip until the second line break. There will be a summary of this section in the end note. Please stay safe. <3

Blood. There's so much blood around him, splotches covering the pavement, the smell overloading his senses, bodies littering the streets. His brother looks back at him, that strange form of Sharingan swirling in his eyes. Sasuke can't hear much anymore, mind trying to wrap around the fact that people he'd seen earlier today are dead now. Mother and Father are dead. By his own brother's hands. 

"Foolish little brother."

Itachi's voice is cold and devoid of emotion even as tears slip down the elder Uchiha's face. 

Sasuke looks up at him, straight into his eyes. 

**~**

He wakes up in cold sweat, barely able to think as he throws his covers onto the floor. His heart's beating far too fast to be healthy and the sound rings in his ears as he forces himself to _breathe,_ because he can't, not really. Sasuke snaps his eyes open, the vertigo hitting him when he tries to sit up- hitting him _hard-_ ceiling spinning around in circles and it's _fast_ , _too_ fast. 

Bile rises up into his mouth.

He chokes on the taste. 

Nausea overtakes him and his legs are on autopilot, rushing him into the bathroom. Sasuke leans over the toilet, spilling what was last night's dinner into it. He hacks out another cough, the burning feeling still there in his throat. It's like he can _hear_ Mikoto's voice, soothing him with her warm hands pulling his hair back, Fugaku's questions hiding behind thinly veiled worry, Itachi's gentle chiding-

No. _He_ shouldn't be there, invading Sasuke's mind, the last bits of the people who once lived in this house with him. 

Why does it feel so wrong to erase the presence of the man who killed off the entirety of the Uchiha in one night? 

It shouldn't hurt every time he thinks about avenging his family.

But it _does_ , and he doesn't know _why_. 

He shouldn't have to repeat to himself that he _wants_ revenge. 

Sasuke spits into the bowl, forcing himself to stand up on unsteady, wobbly legs and mustering all of his strength to put down the seat and flush. The edges of the counter are digging into his white-knuckled hands and it faintly hurts. He doesn't really mind the pain as much as he should. He wipes at his eyes, trying to breathe properly. 

He looks up into the mirror, still too short to see all of his face in it. The first thing that he notices is that it's still dark outside, streaks of moonlight streaming in through the window above his shower. It's painful to think about the fact that barely three years ago, he hated the dark more than _anything_ else, slipping into Itachi's bed and occasionally his parents' when he had a nightmare- one of those stupid ones about monsters under his bed or in his closet (the ones visualized by those stories Shisui liked to tell him), or _clowns,_ and it's laughable that those were the worst things his little six-year-old mind could come up with. 

There's much worse he can imagine now.

But there's no one to hold him and sing him to sleep now, so he just staggers back into his room, curling up in _his_ bed, _alone_ \- ignoring the tears and shuddering breaths escaping him as he closes his eyes. Sasuke pulls a pillow closer, pretending that someone's there with him. He cries a little harder when he can't imagine that someone being anyone but his brother; Itachi's arms wrapped around him tightly, kisses being pressed to the top of his head as he buries his head into the other's shirt and _sobs_. 

**~**

Sasuke ducks down as the other boy aims a kick at his head, taking the opening at his stomach. Naruto manages to save himself from the brunt of the attack by stepping back at the last moment, quickly shaking off the pain. He watches as the blonde leans backward slightly, stance widening into a defensive position. The Uchiha decides to humor him, launching himself forward.

Naruto pulls the dark-haired boy down with him as they topple over, the former laughing as Sasuke's head hits the ground next to his own.

"Tch. Idiot." He pulls himself up so that he's sitting, mockingly positioning his fist above the other's face.

"...bastard."

Sparring with Naruto is a better distraction than anything else- an opponent his age that can actually keep up with him is rare. The blonde happens to fit the criteria well. 

It takes his mind off of the nightmares on bad days, to the point where Sasuke finds himself picking fights with his friend to escape the intrusive thoughts that swarm his mind. Sakura's almost there too, and the idea of having two capable, regular sparring partners is exciting. 

He lets his mind wander to the fact that barely six months ago, Naruto was dead last and Sakura couldn't hold a kunai properly. It's unusual to think about. 

(Not that _he's_ been slacking. His teammates are just doing well.)

The Uchiha pushes himself off the ground as Iruka-sensei calls the match, getting up and offering a hand to the blonde. Naruto takes it, his breathing still as heavy from their spar. They stay like that, steadying themselves for a moment longer than they probably should've. But Sasuke thinks that it went by far too fast when his hand goes cold.

Cutting off that train of thought, he shoves them into his pockets, ignoring the girls trying to catch his attention as he follows his friend to where Sakura stands- farther back and next to Ino. He makes sure to sandwich himself in between his teammates so that he doesn't have to stand next to anyone else. 

He pointedly decides not to pay attention to Sakura's blatant snickering as one of the girls slowly inches closer in a way she must think is subtle.

**~**

Naruto pokes him again, harder. In the neck.

"What." Sasuke hisses, clutching the sore spot on his neck. 

He vividly gestures at the mostly-empty room around them. "What do you _think_? Are we going home or no? Sakura already left!"

Home.

That sounds nice. 

"Yeah, yeah," he picks up his bag, getting up. "Let's go, loser."

"Screw you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot sadder than most chapters and I don't think it flows right, but I hope you liked it anyways!
> 
> Summary- Sasuke has a panic attack following a nightmare about the massacre. His thoughts drift to his family, but he can't seem to erase Itachi from that image, no matter how hard he tries. He starts to realize that revenge might not be something _he_ really wants.
> 
> The plot will be speeding up from now, not going one month at a time. The story's really starting up now. :D


	7. Kids. His Kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this much-too-short chapter was brought to you by my inconsistent writing style

Kakashi stares for a moment. He has to. When did his kids get so...good? They're still only _ten-_ with the exception of Naruto, that is- even if they're leaps and bounds ahead of their peers; taking information in like sponges for the most part. Even to those standards, they shouldn't be able to learn and practically master jutsu (no matter how easy) within _a d_ _ay._ For the most part anyway. Naruto still isn’t great at control and there are a couple jutsu that don’t use enough chakra for him to work with. Like the clone jutsu.

So, naturally, he has to make it harder for them. Give them a challenge. 

Mess with their slightly overinflated egos.

(Naruto likes to call him a sadist. Kakashi can't imagine why.)

He dramatically brandishes a stack of small, thin, chakra-absorbing papers and hands one to each of the kids, each of them taking it skeptically. "Now, does anyone know what these are?" 

No answer. He pointedly glances at Sakura, still sweating from their regular exercises.

Still no answer.

Sighing, he takes a sheet for himself, holding it up. Kakashi raises an eyebrow and looks between the three of them, all watching intently. Good. "I'm going to channel some chakra into this, so watch carefully." He does so, the paper crinkling out from the middle. "See? These specific papers are very chakra-sensitive, to the point where-" He suddenly isn't sure he's making sense at all, but Sasuke raises an eyebrow expectantly, that smug smirk on his face. Damn brat. "It'll give a reaction depending on your chakra affinity." Kakashi manages. "Does that make sense?"

His students nod, so he must be doing _something_ right. But they don't say anything either. 

Kakashi sighs, waving his hand around.. "Just try it. Channel chakra into the paper, and I'll tell you what your affinity is. Mine's lightning."

"Does this mean we're going to learn new jutsu?" Sakura blurts out. 

Sasuke and Naruto suddenly focus back on their sensei. The excited glint in the Uchiha's eyes tells him that he's been wondering too.

"Why didn't you just say that, 'ttebayo!"

Naruto ends up accidentally blackening his paper the first time, disintegrating it completely. He tries again, and it slices in half- which Kakashi really _should've_ expected, considering _both_ his parents were wind elements. Sakura's soaks, while Sasuke's crinkles before burning. 

Well, this'll be fun. For him, that is. 

He picks out a couple scrolls from the ones he's summoned, throwing them at the kids' feet. 

"An hour." It's good that they've already done the physical part of training. They can't complain about having to stay still. 

**~**

Kakashi strolls back into their regular training ground that hour and some extra later and wow, it's already one in the afternoon. His kids must be starving. 

He glances down at the bag of take-out from the few restaurants they frequent- gyoza for Sasuke, dango for Sakura, and ramen for all of them. They're honestly a sight to behold; Sakura lying flat against the grass and half-heartedly holding her scroll above her face, Naruto actually asleep and leaning against a dozing Sasuke, who's lazily propped up against a tree not far from their female teammate's spot near the little stream that flows toward the Naka river. 

Something clicks in his mind, the little lightbulb above his head flickering on. He has a _camera_. One of those ones that print out the picture after you take it. 

Maybe he _is_ a sadist. 

**~**

One surprisingly uneventful picture taking session later, Kakashi is holding three pictures of the children, his adorable not-even-genin-yet team, looking all sleepy and warm. He smiles at the photos before shoving them- gently, mind you- into his pocket and jumping down from the tree and holding up the food. 

"How's it going, you three?" 

Sasuke jumps up when he hears their sensei's voice, startling Naruto awake. Sakura promptly drops the scroll on her face. 

Oops.

"I brought food?"

That seems to be enough to satiate the children, the pink-haired girl staggering back into the shade and settling against the same tree the boys are at. 

**~**

"So, did you figure anything out for the techniques?" Kakashi asks once the kids have found a rhythm between talking and chewing. 

Naruto pointedly slurps up some more noodles before not-so-subtly stealing a dumpling from Sasuke while he's turned around. The Uchiha just rolls his eyes in response to both. 

He clears his throat at them.

"I mean," Sakura starts. "There's a water source here."

At least she can look him in the eyes now. It may or may not have taken six months to get to that point, but Sakura actually trusts him now, and that's something. Something important.

"And how far have you gotten with the Water Release: Scattering Bullets Technique so far?"

She freezes, looking away as she ducks her head. 

Kakashi almost feels bad for doing this. 

"What about you two?"

Sasuke shakes his head. Naruto slumps down, sighing. 

"Well then," he claps his hands together, standing up. "We'll just have to do the _actual_ exercises then, ne?"

" _What_."

**~**

Sakura leans farther over the water, her hand smoothing through it and trying to make the liquid float up. It works- albeit rising barely above the surface, dropping down onto it with a plop, rippling. But it _works_.

As far as Kakashi is concerned, that's something most people don't start doing- or are able to do until they're at least, what, fourteen? He hadn't thought it was the best idea to give them nature manipulation exercises so soon, but he'd learned how to do this far before the average person himself, so it _should_ be fine. 

(Or maybe he shouldn't use himself as an example. He was able to mess with lightning a little after he made chunin, which in retrospect, is far more concerning. Considering he was seven.)

It might just be her chakra control. Yeah, it's probably her impossibly precise chakra control that comes with the sparse amount she has. 

He pats her head before handing her a water bottle and telling her to just _sit down and **stop**_ before she uses too much chakra. 

The boys seem bored, the blonde feeling for the wind with his hands frantically waving in the air, Sasuke sitting in a crisis-cross-applesauce position and attempting to meditate, breathing evenly with his eyes comfortably shut. 

They're trying. They're trying hard, and that's what really matters. 

A feeling like pride blooms in his chest when a gust of wind makes the Uchiha fall over, spluttering out curses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, but Sakura getting tan lines from laying in the sun and her mother being absolutely livid. that's canon in this universe. anyways, I hope you liked the chapter!


	8. Kind-Of-A-Field-Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings- Gaslighting, otherwise known as guilting. Attempted emotional manipulation, traumatic experience.

"For how long again?"

Sakura stifles a sigh. She's been explaining the concept of this trip- that'll last for three days tops, nothing compared to the length of any mission above D-rank- for the last _half hour_ while her mother sits in her chair, drinking tea and doing that _thing_ with her hair that she only does when she isn't paying attention at all. 

"Two to three days at most," she concurs politely. "But our teacher said that we should be back by Wednesday if everything goes according to plan."

"Sakura, you have to understand that you're being silly," Mebuki chides. "I think you've been given too much free time."

She doesn't respond, urging her mother to go on.

"There are risks to being outside the village, and I don't think Iruka is in the right mind space if he wants to take a class of children outside of Konoha for _practice_."

The girl points to a sentence on the permission slip, gently poking at the paper. "There will be chaperones."

"It doesn't matter if there's a couple of chunin there. What kind of parent would I seem like if I basically let you leave the village on your own? Haven't I told you about the time your father and I went on that big business trip before we were married- we were ambushed, remember? Kizashi, tell her."

She does, in fact, remember that story. And she also remembers the fact that there were no casualties or injuries. Or much of an ambush. There were maybe three bandits who came up to them before they were knocked out cold by the genin escorting them. It's _different_ , because it's the same amount of people- maybe even less- and there's going to be experienced chunin escorting them there. By there, still in _Konoha_ : just staying in the forest that's an extension to one of the training grounds.

Why is it even called a field trip?

And yeah, maybe it makes sense that they're worried, but she isn't going to let the idiots do anything remotely dangerous without her. Sakura's the one with the water affinity after all. 

"Do you understand how worried everyone would be if you got hurt? Do you know what people would say?"

"Leave it, Mebuki. If she doesn't want to listen, she doesn't want to listen. If she gets hurt, it's on her." He calls from the kitchen, tone casual but cold. "Right, Sakura? I'll sign the damn thing myself." Kizashi walks to the table briskly, footsteps harsher than normal. She flinches away from him when he pulls the pen from her hand forcefully and scribbles down his signature.

Well. That counts as somewhat of a win. Even if the way he says it makes her insides twist in all the wrong ways.

"If something happens, I'm not going to pay for anything. This is _your_ choice."

"Yes, dad." Sakura bites her lip, the temporary elation fading. "I will take responsibility if I get injured."

**~**

"Aiko, Sakura's going on a trip with her classmates! Isn't that exciting?" Her mother gushes, pressing the phone further into her ear. 

Well, that's a change of tune. 

"I do trust them, they're capable shinobi, after all. She'll be fine." She pauses. "Of course, your prayers would be appreciated."

Sakura leans farther over the stairs, bag packed and ready to leave next week.

Maybe she should've said it was earlier so she could stay at Naruto's apartment.

**~**

"I dunno. There's just something wrong," Naruto says bluntly, folding his arms behind his neck.

Iruka smiles at him reassuringly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be fine. Just some pre-mission anxiety, really."

"I don't think that's it though."

"Hm," the chunin's eyebrows furrow slightly, the way he does when he's giving a lecture- a sure sign that he's actually thinking about his answer. Naruto isn't used to anyone than Kakashi and his friends- few as those are- taking him seriously during a conversation. It's nice. "I'll make sure to keep a lookout, 'kay? You should be on full alert too."

"Yes, sensei!" He grins one of his signature smiles before the teacher goes to talk to another kid, squeezing his shoulder before he's gone. 

**~**

Naruto can feel eyes on his back, what he thinks are Hikaru-sensei's eyes as his chakra stutters and _darkens_ into something that makes the boy pull his own energy away. The feeling makes his stomach dance around in circles. He's felt dark intentions before, radiating off of shinobi and civilians alike, pointed toward him for reasons he doesn't know, but...

Even the worst ones never made him want to throw up like he does right now.

He's never even talked to Hikaru-sensei before today.

So he shuffles that little bit closer to Sasuke, gently grasping his arm to keep himself grounded. Somehow the Uchiha's hand makes it into his, and he's not complaining. 

It's warm.

But he feels the stare move off of him and onto his friend, down to their hands, and he hates it. So he lets go, opting to push their shoulders together instead.

He tries to ignore the way Sasuke's chakra shifts in a way he thinks is disappointment. 

**~**

"Group 3; Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke- Mission C-3. Group 4; Kiba..."

He looks over the 'mission scroll' again- what's just a piece of butcher paper crinkled and rolled up. 

_Objective- Infiltrate Adress A155 and retrieve relic._

_Supervisor- Saito Hikaru_

_Mission Description- You will travel to the stated address and take the object from the center of the room unnoticed. You must take it out of the building in order to pass. There is going to be one genin team at the location.This team carries paper tags that will attach to your clothing. If you are marked, it ends your mission run._

_Requirements- Complete mission with all three members of your group unmarked. If one of your teammates is tagged, you are all immediately disqualified._

There's just...something _off_. Naruto can't tell what it is, but there's something in his gut that's screaming for him to get away from here as fast as possible.

**~**

They're led farther than expected, but Naruto knows that they're still in Konoha. 

"Sasuke, come here for a moment." Hikaru-sensei's tone is harsh, icy, and Naruto can feel the bad intentions leaking off of him. "I need to show you something."

He glances to his teammates, watching Sasuke tap something out onto Sakura's shoulder. She nods uneasily, biting her lip as they inch closer to the blonde. 

"Ne, sensei, why can't you just say it here?" 

Something in the teacher's face changes as he reaches for his holster. Naruto can almost _hear_ the fire roaring in his heart, dark and unruly, spreading farther and farther, getting darker and darker when he looks at Sakura. "I suppose collateral damage doesn't matter _too_ much."

Hikaru-sensei lunges at them, kunai in hand. "Those eyes of yours are going to help me out a lot, Uchiha." Three shuriken fly from his direction, one landing at Sasuke's feet, one sidestepped by Sakura, and one deflected by Naruto's kunai- shooting back at him. 

The teacher glares at Naruto, spitting at them, "Demon brat." 

Sasuke steps back quickly, taking the opening and pulling both Sakura and Naruto with him. He pushes them to the side when he starts going through hand signs. "Lightning Release: Lightning Strike!"

A lightning bolt strikes from his hands, but the teacher jumps back and uses a Katon jutsu in retaliation. Naruto looks over at Sakura, then around at their surroundings. There's no water nearby.

She bites her lip before grabbing their arms and switching them with a log. The teacher isn't fazed, repeating his attack and charging again. Sasuke throws them both out of the way, taking out his own kunai when Hikaru manages to nick his side and push him down. 

It burns, badly, and he's sure the knife cut something important because it _hurts_. 

He opens his eyes hesitantly, and his vision is suddenly clearer- he can see what the other's doing in slow motion, senses sharpened- the way he lifts the kunai, the jagged chain that wraps around the chunin's wrist when he's about to strike. Sakura's sharp intake of breath before her scream and his own startled realization.

He gets the feeling that he should know what's happening. 

When something traumatic happens and time slows down around you-

_The Sharingan._

_He has the Sharingan now._

His breathing quickens, panic and excitement rising in his chest at the notion, mostly the latter. He feels weirdly sick either way. 

Sasuke manages to drag his vision to the source of the chain. Naruto, who's holding his palm out with chains shooting out of it- but there's no blood?- breathing labored. Another chain hits Hikaru flat against the back of his neck with a flick of his friend's wrist, rendering him unconscious. One wraps around Hikaru's other hand and the rest of his arm, dragging him off of Sasuke.

The victory is short-lived, barely catching someone's yelling before the world goes dark around him and his head hits the ground. 

"Over here! Iruka, they're safe!"

**~**

Sakura watches, frozen as the chains recede back into Naruto's body, a medic-nin poring over him. She tries to avoid Hikaru-sensei's eyes as a jonin drags him away to the Hokage Tower. When the green light comes back, enveloping Sasuke's wound, she's facsinated, watching as the cut closes, stitching itself back together seamlessly. She tilts her head, trying to focus on the light as it dissipates, small particles buzzing through the air. 

If she could do that...then maybe she would have been able to do more than perform a substitution jutsu. It's scary that she can't do anything useful without a water source around- that she _didn't_ do anything to help her friends. 

Maybe Sasuke wouldn't be hurt if she'd stepped up and tried _harder_.

A hand is pressed to the top of her head. 

She looks up at Kakashi. 

"I could get you lessons at the hospital, if you want. I've got a few favors to cash in."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter! There's actually plot lol.
> 
> The forest in question is the area where Mizuki found Naruto in the first episode. I forgot what it was called but I'm assuming it's not far outside the border/still inside. Hikaru is basically being paid to get Sasuke's eyes/is a spy for Kumo. Whichever way you want to take it, really. 
> 
> [Extra- Naruto's sensing is more of a involuntary thing right now- he can sense where people are and how much chakra they have by subconsciously sending out his own chakra. Kind of like echolocation. The empathy and sensing both come from Kurama btw. I always found it weird that he could only sense negative emotions and didn't have any cool abilities like the rest of the jinchuuriki, so I changed sensing + empathy up a little so it's more of a primal instinct type thing. 
> 
> To everyone else, chakra is a steady flow of energy that comes from a person, it only weakens or strengthens when the person is losing/gaining strength. Naruto is able to more or less sense their affinity and feel what kind of person they are, as well as how their chakra changes with their emotions.]


	9. What’s Past Is Past

It's always been nagging him, in the back of his mind, the fear that getting attached to Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura would only hurt him in the end. That he'd lose them too. 

So when Kakashi heard that someone tried to hurt the kids- no, _his_ kids, on a field trip, somewhere he couldn't be, somewhere _he couldn't protect them_ , he was livid. The fact that the attacker was the same person who was supposed to be _there_ with them, _protecting_ them set him off even more.

But they hadn't left Konoha's borders. He'd never been more grateful for an incompetent academy teacher before. Kakashi was there before the jonin collecting Hikaru were gone, just in time to spit in his face before he'd been dragged off to T&I. 

The sorry son of a bitch wouldn't live to see tomorrow if he had any say in the matter. 

He'd gotten far too close to a replay of his own team today. 

And by _no_ means would Kakashi _ever_ let his kids go through the same fate Obito and Rin and him had- no matter how many times he sees Minato in Naruto's eyes, the familiar warmth he radiates reminding him too much of Kushina and Obito, how many times he looks at Sasuke and sees himself, a broken genius who's lost everything he's ever known, how many times sees Rin's warm smile in Sakura's, that same steel-like determination shining just beneath the surface.

They're not Team Minato, no matter if that's why he wanted them in the first place. 

These kids are going to be legends. They're going to live and thrive and become everything that his team never got to be. 

He'll make sure of it. 

**~**

"Sasuke," he knocks on the door twice before opening it. "I'm coming in."

The boy in question groans as he tries to sit up. "Sensei." He acknowledges, tone clipped. 

Kakashi frowns before prodding carefully. "How's your side?"

"Fine. It doesn't hurt as much." Sasuke doesn't relax, shoulders still as tensed, even as he repositions himself.

He knows from the way the Uchiha is sitting, back flat against the headboard, legs held tightly against his chest, that he feels weak- vunerable. So Kakashi pulls the little stool in the corner of the room up to his side and offers him a glass of water. Sasuke takes it, drinking gingerly. 

"How long have you been up?"

"I'm not sure."

He hums. "Do your eyes hurt at all? I heard you got your Sharingan."

The Uchiha scoffs. "Of course that's what you ask about first. I thought you'd be different."

"Did someone come in before me? It's pretty early."

"Hokage-sama did." He says, a bitter laugh in his tone. "He offered therapy, said that Sakura and Naruto were alive. Told me to say something if anything happens with my eyes."

"You refused?" It's not really a question. 

His student gives him a no-shit-sherlock look before nodding. "To therapy."

"Well, the reason _I_ asked is because mine hurt like _hell_ when the pain set in."

The look on Sasuke's face is the most vulnerable one he's seen so far, eyes wide and mouth set in a thin line before he figures it out. His jaw falls when he gets it. 

Kakashi tells him about Obito and his eye, casually lifting his hitai-ate to reveal his Sharingan. He's quiet the whole way through- from Rin's kidnapping, Obito's speech about teamwork to his eventual demise and final wish. He leaves out Rin's second kidnapping, finishing it with, "I wish I'd have been a little smarter growing up." clapping his shoulder, gentler than he normally would. "Don't make the same mistakes I did."

He pretends he doesn't notice the silent tears rolling down the kid's face out of respect. 

**~**

Sasuke's eyebrows furrow farther together as he leans his head back. "About Naruto,"

Kakashi nods, urging him to go on, silently noticing that his shoulders are relaxed.

"Those chains...are they a Kekkei Genkai? Can someone have two?" 

He trails off, but Kakashi knows what Sasuke means. It's a little suspicious that a kid with so many special abilities wouldn't be taken into proper consideration by the village. Taking into consideration how he's treated by civilians and shinobi alike, how he's never been given special training or positive treatment, it's a lot suspicious. 

"In theory, yes."

"Do you know what clan had those chains, sensei?"

"No," Kakashi lies through his teeth. These are direct orders after all- Naruto's heritage is to be kept secret- but it can't hurt to slip in a few hints, right? "Not specifically, at least. But I've come across people who used ones like his."

"Oh."

**~**

Sakura bites her lip, settling farther into the beanbag she's sitting in and raising the book up to her face again. She closes it, studying the title and glancing back at her annotated notes. 

_'The Ultimate List of Kekkei Genkai'._

There aren't any clan names- just the names and abilities. There are a couple that involve chains though. One produces solid gold chains, another that makes interconnected ice shards, but the one that resonates the most with the ones Naruto had is Kongo Fusa, or Adamantine Sealing Chains. Silver-to-grey in color with jagged edges. All differing with the person's energy and aura, what will suit them best in battle. It's rumored that they grow darker, sharper, the older and more experienced you get. 

Naruto's were a bright, almost glowing silver with pointed edges and sharp bits every five loops or so. 

She wonders what that means as she dusts off the cover of the next book. It's worn, and she can barely see the gold lettering. For a moment, she feels like she's not supposed to be seeing it. 

_'Ancient Clans of Konoha'._

She opens it anyway and skims through.

Then she finds the name 'Uzumaki' farther into the book and suddenly can't breathe.

"Did you find something interesting? I have around forty minutes before I need to head out." Her dad asks from behind a different shelf, his tone sharp and professional. It puts her farther on edge, instinctively flinching away from the sound of his voice. "We should go."

Sakura puts the book into the small pile of novels she's collected. Kizashi laughs at her when she tries to pick them all up at once, taking a few to the counter himself. 

**~**

_Although the Uzumaki clan was originally situated in Uzushiogakure: Land of Whirlpools until the end of the Second Great Shinobi War, they had close blood ties to Konoha's Senju, allowing for allyship between the villages. The Shodaime Hokage- Senju Hashirama's wife was Uzumaki Mito, a seal mistress._

_They were well-known for their fuuninjutsu mastery, Adamantine Sealing Chains, and large chakra reserves. Some were high frequency sensor-types._

_However, the clan has mostly died out, the few survivors scattered across the great nations._

Uzumaki Naruto. 

His name is _Uzumaki_ _Naruto_. 

**~**

"Knowing Sakura, she's probably already figured it out. She isn't ranked top kunochi for her taijutsu alone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I can't stop thinking about how dirty the beanbag chair would be. COVID, excuse me, stop messing with my writing. I almost deleted that part because it seems unsanitary lmao.


	10. Kept Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- Lashing out, incoherent thoughts, abuse aftermath

"He has his mother's chains, and you're _still_ not going to tell him." His voice is quiet, on edge.

Hiruzen sighs. "Telling Naruto about his heritage will put a target on his back. You know this."

"Like letting the fact that he's the Kyuubi jinchuuriki slip did? You're saying that keeping everyone with ties to Minato and Kushina away from him didn't completely fuck him over, right? There's an Uzumaki compound, but he lives right next to the red-light district, and that _definitely_ hasn't messed him up at all."

"Jiraiya-"

"Tell me I'm wrong, Sarutobi-sensei."

"You're not, but you have to respect this decision."

Jiraiya snorts derisively. "What decision? Keeping a kid away from the last bits of his own parents? Isolating him and letting Danzo do whatever the hell he wants to manipulate everyone into doing his evil bidding?"

He's the last loyal person who can speak to Hiruzen like that.

"I've told you, Jiraiya-kun, there's no evidence that Danzo was behind the security slip. And a security slip is all it was."

The white haired man stops pacing, crossing his arms and turning pointedly towards Hiruzen. "Do you seriously _still_ believe that he's innocent? ROOT's still out and about, there's written proof that he was in contact with Orochimaru for almost a year. I don't know what kind of evidence you're looking for at this point." He stops before he can go too far down that road. "You have to tell Naruto about his clan, sensei. About the Kyuubi."  
  
“And Kakashi's right! He's going to find out eventually. That you've been hiding this from him." Jiraiya points out. "I'm in the village, what, once every three years and I can still see how shitty his living conditions are.

"I believe that I've explained my reasoning for not telling him sufficiently."

"Have you really?"

The Sandaime wilts under his student's glare, so much like Tsunade and Orochimaru's used to be- full of fire and unusually cold at the same time. Jiraiya's grown into everyone else's role over the years, the more people he's lost. Minato's odd levelheadedness coming out at the weirdest times, Orochimaru's mother-like nagging, Tsunade's habit of punching random objects off tables. Things like that.

It makes sense that he's so protective, so unwilling to let go of the little he has left of the life he used to have, of the people that were there once. Even if he never got the chance to be there for his student's son.

(It makes sense that Kakashi's so insistent to be in his life too.)

Maybe he'll finally humor them, if only because he can't afford to lose Jiraiya too.

**~**

"Naruto," Sakura says, starting to lose her patience. Maybe it would've been better to take a chance at telling him at school. " _Look_."

Sasuke elbows his arm, rolling his eyes. Hypocrite. He's not paying attention either and they all know it.

The blonde- endearing to a fault, but still an absolute _idiot_ \- looks up from his instant ramen and shifts in his seat, slurping up the rest of the noodles in his mouth. "Is this some kind of reading practice thing or something?"

She bites back a groan when he says that. This is supposed to be serious.

"But what is it?"

Honestly, she doesn't know why she hasn't just...said it yet. Every time she tries to say something- what's she even supposed to say? That their twelve-in-the-morning-by-the-river talks about the possibility of Naruto having a clan weren't just speculation?- her throat goes dry and no words want to come out. It seemed so unrealistic at the time, but...

It's happening. It's _real_ and there's _proof_ and she has five notebook pages of annotations and random things she thought she needed to write down. 

Sakura shoves the book at him, open to the start of the three-page chapter about the Uzumaki. "Just _read_ _it_. Please."

Naruto leans over an unconvincingly annoyed Sasuke's arm to see- eyebrows pressing together when he starts reading, mumbling the words out loud. She bites her lip, flinching back at the way he repositions himself in his chair (which might be out of habit, really) and the Uchiha's sharp intake of breath. 

"I...have a clan?"

"It's not for certain- the red hair and everything, y'know," Sakura mentally facepalms. She shouldn't be this nervous. "But you have the Kekkei Genkai. That has to mean _something_."

"Is that why you always get weird looks?" Sasuke asks suddenly. "Maybe the Uzumaki were ostracized or something."

"What does oz- os, erm, ostracized mean?" His voice is breathless, barely there.

She lets out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding in. "Isolated. It means purposefully isolated. And that doesn't sound impossible."

"Then," Naruto starts, looking hurt the way Sakura hates more than anything she's ever hated before. Alongside Sasuke's brother and the way he spaces out on his nightmare days. "Does that mean all those people know who my parents are?"

Her heart stops. That hadn't even occurred to her. 

Sometimes she forgets how Naruto's so much smarter than he gets credit for.

"And if they know, that means the old man knows." His voice cracks, barely above a whisper. 

The Uchiha next to her seems to realize something, looking up quickly. "Kakashi."

"If civilians know...then Kakashi-sensei does too." Sakura finishes quietly, hesitantly. She notices the tears starting to brim in Naruto's eyes and she's already up, her arms wrapping around him, Sasuke's hand already firmly planted on his arm in an oddly protective manner. 

They're going to figure this out. Together. 

**~**

Naruto skips everything the next week.

Sasuke doesn't go to training. 

Sakura goes to the hospital for lessons and refuses to tell anyone where Naruto is. 

_And_ , Kakashi thinks, _it's deserved._

The way the blonde won't answer his door, how Sakura won't look him in the eyes, that Sasuke's nowhere to be found. 

He takes pride in the fact that they figured it out on their own, even if they're never going to forgive him. 

Because maybe it's best, even if this wasn't the plan. 

It’s probably best, even when he can’t find the strength to do anything after Naruto doesn’t answer the door the sixth time.

**~**

"Naruto-kun, do you know why you're here?"

He shrugs, eyes downcast, glancing over at Kakashi-sensei at Hiruzen's left. 

His chakra feels outright negative, grieving, _broken_ \- 

Naruto can feel it in his bones and it _hurts_. He tries to pull his energy away from his teacher, trying to ignore the guilt rising in his chest. 

Key word: try. 

The Sandaime sighs, breathing out a puff of smoke with it. Naruto can sense the little bit of apprehension that's always followed the Hokage and it _makes_ _sense_ now. "What's this about?"

"Do you know who my parents are?" He blurts out quickly, immediately regretting it. 

"I do." 

(Kakashi's chakra swirls. Naruto can almost see the lightning.)

His heart stops. He didn't expect such an easy answer to a question he's asked so many times before, a question that's been answered with a lie every time he's asked.

He looks at his teacher in the eyes the first time since Sakura told him. 

"Did you...?" He can't even bring himself to finish the sentence.

Naruto wants him to say no, desperately pleading and begging in his head that Kakashi didn't know. 

Instead, he nods stiffly.

Something clicks and everything he’s been trying to keep contained for the past week is flowing out. 

"You weren't going to tell me that I have a family, that- that maybe I wasn't abandoned like they said! They're _my_ parents!" He feels the two ANBU move around in the room as his hand gestures get more vivid and tears start forming, but he _doesn't care_. He can't bring himself to. 

"What's so bad about them? About _me_! What does everyone know? What do _you_ know?" It _hurts_ and he's rambling and he wants to curl up into a ball and _cry_ until he can’t anymore.

"Why can't I know! This is _my_ life, and- and..."

Hiruzen puts a hand up. "Leave us."

The ANBU stop in their tracks before their chakra disappears completely.

"Who- who are they?" Naruto suddenly can't breathe, anger replacing itself with a sense of helplessness, the rumbling of the old man's chakra- concern?- becoming clearer. "Are they alive? One of them is an Uzumaki, right, probably my dad-"

Suddenly Kakashi is in front of him- how long has he been standing there?- a firm hand on his shoulder, pulling him into a hug. It makes him feel better.

It shouldn't. The jonin rests his chin on the blonde's shoulder and Naruto buries his face into his sensei's jonin vest, sniffing.

He wants to cry until everything stops hurting so much. 

Naruto can hear Kakashi's, "I can tell you now. I'm sorry I didn't sooner. I'm so sorry."

It sounds sincere. Real and _emotional_ , something that he was afraid he’d been imagining for a year. 

He wants to listen, to give him the benefit of the doubt. He wants to understand why this has been kept from him for so long-

Why Kakashi of all people wouldn’t tell him.

Maybe he shouldn’t be halfway-forgiving his teacher so easily. Especially not for something like this.

But he needs to know. 


	11. One Step At A Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouch. I'm hurting myself too.

Naruto doesn't turn away from his grasp- and Kakashi feels like he could cry for the first time in months. 

He's been planning what to say to the kid, how to tell him about Kushina and Minato for _years_ \- delicately playing out the scenario, outlining the fact that there's still some things that needed to stay secret, there were some things that he couldn't say. And Naruto would sit and listen and cry, but he would _understand_. That was naive of him to think. Maybe he should've said something about his parents to him in advance, stopped being so selfishly _stupid_ and taken Naruto's feelings into consideration.

(Isn't he supposed to keep his comrades, his friends, his _kids_ above _rules_? He couldn't have dropped hints or mentioned Minato's hair color or the fact that the Yondaime Hokage's wife was an Uzumaki?)

It's too late to fix the past, though. 

All Kakashi can do now is make sure he doesn't fuck up again. 

**~**

Sakura doesn't look him in the eyes anymore. Her posture has gone back to tense and fidgety, vision flickering everywhere from Naruto and Sasuke's somewhat intertwined fingers to her her own hand on the blonde's arm. Sasuke, on the other hand, is staring right at him- _into_ him, gaze analyzing and far too cold to be on an ten-year-old's face. Naruto is curled up into himself, mostly- looking a lot like he did the day he had the idea to put this team together in the first place.

Kakashi hates it. The obvious hints of anxiety in all of them; Sakura's finger-tapping, Sasuke's grip on Naruto's hand's tightening and loosening, the kid himself slowly swaying back and forth between his two teammates. 

He wonders if Sasuke's side still hurts.

"I'm sorry, Naruto." He says, voice steady, trying to keep any hints of the nerves racking at his brain out of his demeanor. 

The blonde nods, silently urging him to go on while he leans into the Uchiha's shoulder. 

"There are...laws in place concerning you and your heritage." Kakashi swallows with difficulty. "I can tell you about your mother."

"Not about his dad? Or- or even why people look at him like they _do_?" Sakura bursts out suddenly, hands pushing her up so that she's standing on her toes. "What's so _terrible_ about these laws that- that..." 

He bites the guilt down, barely managing to keep his composure. "That's for another time, Sakura. Naruto and the Sandaime will have a private talk after this, and they will discuss that _alone_." 

She freezes.

Sasuke's grip tightens in surprise. 

Kakashi sighs, running a hand through his hair. How did this get so messed up? He turns around, leaving the trio on his couch to find the stack of pictures and things that were Kushina's once. Most of her stuff went to Mikoto- who coincidentally was Sasuke's mother- but he'd gotten a couple things, like her old recipe book and old sets of kunai and shuriken that Kakashi had _meant_ to clean, _really_ -

(He never got the chance to give them back.)

-and, oh yeah, a set of the clothes she wore when she was younger. Actually, they were Rin's at some point, but she'd only ever worn the outfit once because the yellow and black clashed with her purple clan markings. 

Obito still said it looked nice on her- practically a tomato with how red his face was. 

He has a lot of their old stuff too, everything that isn't a weapon stuffed into a closet somewhere. The scarf Rin made for him and one of Obito's shuriken holsters with the Uchiha crest as a button being the only things he's touched in the last three years. 

"Here," Kakashi murmurs, spreading the polaroids and little drawings out on the coffee table, leaving the book and clothes on the armchair to the left. 

Sakura and Sasuke get up to leave with a shared look, both of them letting Naruto wordlessly sort through the pictures with tears brimming in his eyes. "She's pretty. Like, really, _really_ pretty."

The door to the next room closes behind his two other students. 

It almost hurts that they still trust him enough to take care of Naruto. 

Kakashi smiles fondly, almost moving to ruffle the blonde's hair. Almost. "You're almost exactly like her." 

"Really?" His voice cracks, barely there. 

"Yeah. She was a kinesthetic learner, took in information differently than everyone else, like you.”

“It was something she liked to complain about. You somehow inherited her verbal tic too," At Naruto's confused glance up, he adds, "She used to say 'y'know' a lot. Her facial structure too- your coloring's all...your dad, but everything else is Kushina."

"Kushina?" 

"Uzumaki Kushina." He nods, closing his eyes. "She was obsessed with ramen. Uh- Ichiraku's was her favorite too, but she used to make homemade when she had the time for it." The jonin flips through the cookbook, staring at her loopy, cursive o's and the heart-dotted i's -that were only ever used when she was writing about ramen or Minato- before handing it to Naruto. "It was really good, actually."

Naruto stares at it for a couple minutes, eyes following every curve of writing.

"So she's..."

He feels himself nod, mind hazy. 

"Did they want me? I mean, you- you knew them, right?"

"I can't imagine them not wanting you, Naruto.”

”It was just circumstance...actually, erm, she had this whole nursery plan laid out and she made me-" he laughs, bitter and breathless as he tires to change the subject.

"-she made me paint the nursery this shade of blue. Gods, I _hated_ it. It was almost _neon_ , and the accent wall was white too, so everything was just really...bright."

His student giggles, and he feels a weight lift off of his chest.

"There were a lot of bets placed on whether you'd be blonde or not. Everyone thought you'd have red hair."

Naruto grins brightly, wiping his eyes with his forearm and sniffing. "What'd you think?"

"Me?"

He nods, eyes shining with tears.

"I- uh, thought it would be orange, actually. It made sense at the time, I don't really know."

"Sensei?"

His heart lifts with the honorific. "Yeah?"

The blonde grabs at his pant leg, still sniffling as Kakashi pulls him up into a much needed hug.

"Thanks. For telling me about her."

 _Please don't thank me yet,_ Kakashi thinks, mind suddenly all the more heavy with guilt. He doesn't say anything, but he’s sure Naruto knows it as he holds him a little tighter, tiny little arms moving to circle his neck and burying his head into his shoulder, crying a little more.

**~**

When they leave, Naruto's still holding onto his leg, Sakura waiting anxiously before grabbing Sasuke and pulling them into an impromptu hug. 

Kakashi tries to step away, but Naruto doesn't let go and neither does Sakura. Sasuke looks up at him skeptically, tugging his sleeve down.   
  
He feels his face warm at the notion and smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that was heavy. I hope you liked this chapter!


	12. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings- Abuse aftermath

Sasuke's always had an idea that Konoha's system is corrupt. It just never occurred to him exactly _how_ messed up it is until he met Naruto. 

He knew it was when they told him- a seven-year-old who'd just witnessed his clan's murder- to _choose_ between living in an apartment and staying in a bloody, old compound that held too many memories. Of course he chose the compound. He can't imagine a life where he doesn't walk past his parents' room, the floors still as creaky as they've always been every morning, leaving Itachi's door that little bit open every night.

(But they shouldn't have let him stay.) 

He brushed it off, choosing to ignore the caretakers who would randomly come in to check on him until his outbursts became too much for them to handle.

After that, they should've pushed harder to force him into _some_ kind of therapy, and to hell if he's grateful they didn't, it's still not _right_. 

Naruto _should_ be in an orphanage, with other kids, maybe even adopted by now- to fucking _hell_ with laws and heritage and whatever he refuses to tell him and Sakura that's apparently an S-Ranked secret. He shouldn't have to live in an apartment by the district that Itachi and his mother would always lead him away from, _alone_ , have people look at him the way they _do_. And still fucking _smile_ the way he does, so vivid and positive and _happy_.

It's infuriating. 

Infuriating the way he's suddenly keeping secrets, the way he hides behind those stupidly bright smiles, the way he knows _exactly_ how everyone _else_ is feeling and knows _exactly_ how to cheer them up without any regard for himself, the way Konoha treats him like some kind of abnormality, the way that the Hokage didn't put his mother's last name on the memorial stone dedicated to the Kyuubi attack victims, the way no one seems to know where Kushina's actual _grave_ is, the way that there's an actual Uzumaki compound that was conveniently never mentioned.

The way he's started to look at himself in the mirror when they're brushing their teeth on weekends or Wednesday mornings.

Like he's not human. Like he's looking at someone else. Until Sasuke shoves their shoulders together harshly, barely catching the blonde before he falls over, tripping on his own feet and Naruto curses at him. 

("Y'know, if you're going to be an asshole while you're here, you can just start paying rent, you-" water is promptly splashed into his face before he can finish the insult. "-agh, Sas'! That's- shit, _cold_!"

"Good to know."

"-I hate you.")

There's just so many things that don't add up, that don't make sense in the long run. That end up giving him a headache when he lets his mind wander and wonder. 

Something else that he doesn't like- more like hates, actually- about _Sakura_ , this time, is how she doesn't seem to notice when someone's talking down to her or manipulating her or when there's something's _off_ about the way someone talks to her.

It's like she's used to it, acknowledging it with a smile but doing nothing.

She flinches every time someone yells or gets too close, or puts a cup down too loud.

He doesn't know what to make of it.

He's going to figure it all out someday- what that secret is, who Naruto's dad was and why the only thing they know about him that he died in the attack, why he took Uzumaki as his surname, why no one's bothered talking about this for almost a _decade_. Why Sakura's smile is becoming progressively more and more superficial. How to stop it. 

Right now, though, he's content going out in the middle of the night to see Sakura and Naruto down by the river. 

**~**

"Guys! Guys!"

Sasuke tears his vision away from the scroll he was going over, looking up at Naruto. "What."

The blonde pouts as Sakura sits up. "You could _try_ 'nd sound more excited, you ass."

"Wow, this is _so_ exciting. I wonder what the idiot has to tell us."

"But it's actually cool this time!"

"Okay, what is it, Naruto?" Sakura cuts in.

"You remember what Jiji said about the clan grounds, y'know, the far part of the building thingie?"

Their female teammate's eyebrows furrow. "The one intact house? Like, the big one on the edge?"

"Yeah, that! He said that he changed the policy thing so that I can move in when I graduate, so I have to go look at it with sensei an' some old guy next week."

"...some old guy?" Sasuke asks.

"Apparently he's my godfather? Jiji said that he's really important and out of the village a lot, so that's why I've never met him." Naruto says easily, too evenly. "But I'm getting off track- uh, Kaka-sensei said that you guys should see it too."

Sakura shifts at that, repositioning herself so that she leans against the tree. "How come?"

"I thought it would be cool if you guys lived there too, y'know?"

Sasuke feels something in himself stop at the notion, his heart racing, excitement bubbling up- "Maybe."

Yeah, Naruto and him already practically live together, but Sakura...

Sakura has a family.

An alive, there, _family_ who aren't just tear-stained pictures.

He isn't prepared for the look on her face, so conflicted and confused and _hurt_. Like she's been considering something unrealistic and hoping for something she can't have and reality's set in.

"You know I can't."

Naruto visibly deflates. "I know, but it'd be kinda awesome."

"It would," she agrees quietly. "But it's not like I won't be over all the time, right?"

"Right! We could still-"

He wonders why she seems so eager to get out, to leave, mind wandering away with the possibilities.

At some point, he would've called her selfish for reacting the way she is. 

But Sasuke knows Sakura now, he knows that she only does things, reacts visibly if there's a reason. He knows that she's carefully put together and delicately controlled- even when it's just them- and he wants to know why.

There are a lot of things that he doesn't know about his teammates, his friends- his _only_ friends. 

And it bothers him a lot more than he's willing to admit. 

**~**

_"The bijuu that attacked the village ten years ago was not killed."_

_Kakashi's grip tightens on his shoulder, and Naruto's not sure who the jonin's attempting to steady as the Sandaime goes on._

_"It was sealed into you."_

_"...your mother was the last Kyuubi jinchuuriki..."_

_"...when it escaped during childbirth, the only possible action was to seal it into you..."_

_"...only Uzumaki have been able to successfully host the Nine-Tails so far..."_

_"...you are simply the jailor of the demon, not the Kyuubi..."_

_"...eventually, you will learn how to control..."_

**~**

It's a lot to take in, the fact that he's been lied to his entire life by one of the only people he's ever really _trusted_ \- that he had parents who loved him, who _wanted_ him- and that's not even considering the fact that he has a literal _chakra demon_ that's apparently his heritage sealed into him.

For the safety of a village that he's apparently spent all ten years of his life protecting. 

A village that hates him because of their stupid rumors and stupid ideas that get too stupidly far and end up doing nothing but hurt people. 

Kids. Orphans. People who didn't ask to be born, to fall victim to the apparent grand scheme of things. 

People like him and Sasuke. 

_"Everything happens for a reason, Naruto-kun."_

He can't say he's fond of the person who came up with that phrase. 

Sometimes things need to have better reasoning than some mysterious, unrevealed purpose in life. 

Naruto wants _more_ than a family cookbook and an inherited curse. All he knows about his mom is that she was crazy strong and that she liked ramen as much as he does. That his dad was someone scarily powerful. 

Some days he wishes that they were different people. Living, _real_ people that he could talk to, who could be there, _alive_ , with him.

Maybe people wouldn't look at him like that if they were. 

**~**

Sasuke narrows his eyes at him, for what's probably the eighteenth time in the last five minutes. "You're thinking again."

"Why do you sound so surprised?"

Naruto watches as Sasuke rolls his eyes, mouth moving, and he thinks that he can't lose this. The casual feeling of having a home, a _family,_ someone who's _there_. It's something that's an addicting luxury. Something that he's never had before.

He was already scared of losing them before he found about about everything- about the Kyuubi- but the fact that saying the wrong thing with the wrong people around would destroy all of that...

It terrifies him. 

There's so many people who hate him. And when he sees the memorial of people on people who fought, who weren't fighting, who just wanted to _live_ their _lives_ \- he can't blame them. He'd hate him too.

(He _does_ hate him too, even if Jiji keeps saying that it isn't his fault.)

But he can't lose Sakura and Sasuke. 

They're all he has and the sheer _idea_ of going back to being alone again- 

Sasuke punches him in the arm.

-he _can't_. Simple as that.

"Seriously, what's wrong?"

Naruto grins. "Isn't it weird that chakra's basically our entire final even though they don't test us on our affinity?"

That definitely wasn't what Sasuke was expecting, from the way his jaw slackens and face scrunches up, just a little- 

"I mean, isn't it?

**~**

He raises his voice, deliberately starting to yell. "Oi, gramps, isn't this a women's bath-!"

The splashing and giggling screeches to a halt. Literally. 

The guy, who he's noticed has really, really long white hair that looks really, really _tangled_ , clamps a hand over Naruto's mouth. "Brat, shush!" His eyes narrow, looking back into the fence hole he was peeking into. "Damn it, kid." He lets go of Naruto, sighing and straightening his posture, chakra swirling in annoyance. 

"This is the third time someone's interrupted my research today."

"I wonder why."

He looks back at Naruto, as if seeing him for the first time, eyebrows furrowing and gaze moving from his hair to the whisker marks on his cheeks. His chakra shifts into something like shock, eyes widening dramatically. "Fuck."

"Huh?"

"Name's Jiraiya, kiddo. And for the record, this isn't your first impression of me."

"What are you-" It sets in.

Oh. _Oh._

Jiraiya, one of the greatest seal masters to ever live, the spymaster, a Sannin, his _godfather._ The guy who's supposed to take him as an apprentice sooner or later.

Who he just caught spying on a womens' hot spring. 

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weekends and Wednesdays are sleepover days, if you haven't already guessed. Also overanalyzing Sasuke who's lowkey clueless is kind of a mood lmao.
> 
> I feel like Naruto would self-blame for everything. He never got the chance to really see how many people died and the real effects of the Kyuubi attack- but I feel like Iruka had a huge part in that. He was a trusted adult because of that night, because of the fact that he cared despite it, but Kakashi and Hiruzen both broke his trust shortly before the news was broken to him. Especially Hiruzen.


	13. Frustration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- Super vague reference to intent of self-harming, internalized homophobia and angsty pining.
> 
> Sakura,, I'm sorry-

A knock comes from the general direction of her room. She has to stifle the sob that threatens to escape her lips.

The kunai in her hand clatters onto the marble counter cleanly.

 _Inhale_.

Not today.

_Exhale._

Maybe not ever.

_Inhale._

Sakura lets out a shuddering breath, splashing more water onto her face. She backs away and leans her head further against the bathroom door, hoping, _praying_ that it's not her mom. She doesn't think she can look at her right now. 

The knocking comes again, but this time it's more careful and-

She channels chakra into her ears, listening harder.

-and it kind of sounds like glass, the wind outside rushing against her window.

Sasuke? No. He would've just opened the window by now.

Naruto would've done more than just knock randomly. There's always a weird code with him.

Kakashi wouldn't knock.

The chances of it being some random ninja is low. But...

She grabs the knife, twirling it in her right hand, turning the doorknob with her left. 

It takes a moment for her to register that it's Ino sitting on her windowsill, hand waving at her and gesturing to the lock. Sakura glances back at her room door, where the lock's been switched- opening from the outside. She knows it's locked. 

There are voices talking and chatting downstairs, people who are completely unaware that her mother pushed her into her room and barely gave her time to pour chakra into that little silencing seal on her doorframe before she started yelling about not talking back to adults and keeping her mouth shut. 

Sakura clicks open the window lock, pushing the pastel pink curtains to their respective sides and sliding open the window.

Ino doesn't comment on how red her eyes are or the fact that there's mascara running down her face. Not even on the horrible dress choice her mother made- this shade of pink with cold undertones that clashes with her skin tone and the yellow jacket that she'd picked out because it's 'trendy'.

She's grateful for it. 

"Go change. We're getting dango."

It's not like they're going to notice, right?

Even if she doesn't get home.

(The notion makes her feel sick to her stomach.)

**~**

"You okay?"

Sakura lets her legs swing off the edge of the roof, staring up at the sky and letting out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. 

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."

The butterflies swirl in her stomach. She grasps at the fabric of her skirt, shaking her head.

Sakura doesn’t want to think about how plainly _good_ it feels to have her friend worry about her right now. 

So she doesn’t, forcing her mind to go blank.

Ino sighs and sits down next to her, offering her the sweets tray. Sakura takes one, rolling the stick around in her hands. The thought of eating right now makes her feel sicker.

"Mom threatened to take me out of training again."

The blonde nods, pressing a gentle hand to her forearm. Urging her to go on.

"And- and she says it sometimes. A lot, actually. She never actually _does_ it, but-" She inhales, trying to steady herself. Ino's grip tightens. "-it felt so- so _real_ this time, like she was actually going to _do_ it. And that's _stupid_ because- because what's she even gonna _do_?"

"I hate it. I hate that she's going to pretend that everything's fine tomorrow and offer to go shopping and not give me a say in anything like always." She swallows the lump in her throat. "I- I _hate_ it."

"I do too," Ino whispers, hand moving down, down, _down_ , inch by _inch_ , to Sakura's own and intertwining their fingers together. 

She stops breathing when the other girl inches closer slightly, letting her head fall onto her shoulder- blonde hair tickling her ear. Her heartbeat speeds up with the breeze and she wants to cry again because she shouldn't be feeling like this. Shouldn't be feeling like nothing matters but Ino in this moment, hair shifting in the wind, warm hands, blue, blue eyes half-lidded with carefully platonic affection. 

It's not the kind of affection Sakura wants it to be. 

(She wants more. More than best friend bracelets and hours spent studying in Ino’s room. She doesn’t know why.)

It should be.

"Are you going home? Tonight, I mean."

"Probably."

They fall into a comfortable silence that Sakura could get lost in, just staring at the stars and the city lights. 

"Wait, since you're here now...hold on." 

She disappears down the wall, and there's a faint whoosh of the window opening, then closing again before she runs back up the wall- hoisting herself up with an almost shy grin, blushing slightly, whether from the climbing or whatever she's doing, Sakura's not sure.

Ino smiles wider as she hands her a little package- wrapped in dark paper with hearts all over it and tied with a lace bow that she can barely make out in the dim light- and Sakura lets herself _hope_ , for just a _moment_ \- 

"Can you give this to Sasuke for me? It's almost Valentine's, and I think it'd be better for him to get it away from all his fangirls, yeah?" 

That...makes more sense.

"Yeah- yeah. I can do that."

 _Gods_ , she's-

"You're the best, Sakura. I don't know why I thought you'd say no."

-such an _idiot_.

**~**

It's even darker now, her feet gently splashing the water, Sasuke's hands producing quiet flames for some semblance of light, Naruto soaking wet waist-down, and she frankly can't remember how that even happened.

"You don't owe them anything," Sasuke says carefully. The box Ino sent with her is still unopened, put aside. 

"They're still my _family_ , Sas'. I can't just..."

Naruto frowns, eyebrows furrowed in that _way-_ " _We're_ your family, 'kura." It's said so naturally, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. 

Sakura swallows the lump in her throat when Sasuke reaches out to touch her forearm- just like Ino had- and there's no reaction, no quickened heartbeat or uncalled anxiety. She's so confused, so _frustrated_ with _everything_. 

All she knows is that the sound of the stream flowing, crickets chirping, fire crackling- the casual conversation...it feels safe. Warm.

It feels like home. 

Better than anything her parents could ever _dream_ to achieve.

In more ways than one.

**~**

Naruto groans in exasperation. "Ero-sennin!"

"I've told you a hundred times by now, you have to figure this part out on your own! Sealing is the user's art! I can't just-"

"Help me? Please, Ero-sensei?" The kid looks up at him with those- those _eyes_. Goddamn it.

Jiraiya sighs, finally giving in. "Okay, look," He situates himself on the ground next to Naruto, leaning over his work and scowling. "What'dya mean you need my help? This looks fine! Hell, it looks better than most of the shit I tried when I was _older_ than you!"

"But it's like _math._ I don't get where the whole...thing-"

"Kid. Look at me." Jiraiya points at himself before taking Naruto's brush and swirling it around in the ink, wiping it off on the edge. "Your intent is half the entire craft. Whatever _you_ need, what you _want_ the seal to become, will eventually surface the more you trust yourself. The whole sealing thing? It's already in your blood. You just have to put it into use."

"So...if I want it to blow up, I could just start...drawing?"

The older man hisses out a sharp breath, putting the brush back into the set and exchanging it for a thinner one- turning to the next page of Naruto's chakra-laced sketchbook. He's never claimed to be _good_ at explaining things. "Tell you what, we're going to try something." He dips the brush in and begins to write out the most common symbols and lines- the ones specifically to the Uzumaki, the ones that he knows Naruto knows. 

"...oh no."

"And that's your reference sheet. Each symbol five times over. Take your _time_ , brat. I'm going to go get us some ice cream." He stands.

It doesn't take nearly as long as expected for Kakashi to show up, trailing behind him, hands in pockets. 

"How is he?"

Jiraiya glances back. "He's basically a prodigy with the sealing part. He's good at the basic stuff, he can do sealing scrolls and silencing seals, though that's about it."

"Ah. I've noticed the change in his handwriting lately."

"It's pretty good now, eh?" 

"Considering I can read it now, it's not bad. Sakura's been trying to help him with that for years and this is the only thing that's made any progress."

"Glad to be of service. Have- uh," The Sannin pauses, gauging Kakashi's reaction. "-have you considered letting your kids graduate early? At the end of this year? They're obviously good enough for it."

"I can't say it hasn't crossed my mind."

"Sarutobi-sensei wants me to go find Tsunade. And...Naruto could probably convince her to come back. I've been in the village more in the last couple months than the five years before it. He just has that effect on people."

Kakashi lets out a quiet chuckle. "Like Minato-sensei did?"

He forces himself to swallow the lump in his throat. "Yeah."

"I'll talk to the Sandaime about it." The jonin waves him off, back toward where Naruto is still furiously scribbling on his book.

**~**

He offers the kid half of his popsicle. 

Naruto hesitates as he reaches out for it, eyes wider than Jiraiya's ever seen them. The guilt resurfaces. 

"C'mon. It'll melt if you just sit there. Then my hand's gonna get all sticky."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Sakura's feelings are completely unrequited atm. Yes, Ino does actually like Sasuke. Yes, Sakura's parents deserve to die a slow and painful death. Yes, this is set a while after the last chapter, so Sasuke isn’t so clueless and Naruto knows something about seals.


	14. Simple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- Reference to self-harm and explicit psychological manipulation, impulsive/kind of forced coming out

Naruto groans, full-on throwing himself into the grass. Sakura and Sasuke barely seem to notice. "It's been like twenty hours since Kaka-sensei said he'd be here!" He pushes his face farther into the grass. "I'm kinda hungry now too..."

Sasuke flips to the next page in his book with a barely-there sigh. "Deal with it."

"Meanie." Naruto sticks out his tongue, feeling miffed.

"How mature of you."

"Glad you noticed, bastard."

Sakura yawns suddenly, bringing their attention to her and her homework that she's doing with her left hand today. Naruto's a little jealous that she can just switch. "Sorry. Mom wanted me to go over something last night."

"Go over what?" Sasuke yawns in turn, the blonde's muffled into the ground before he turns onto his back with a lazy thumbs-up.

"Just the usual," she deflects easily, laughing at Naruto and pouting at the flat look she gets. "Seriously, it's fine."

"I didn't say anything."

She huffs at Sasuke's obvious disbelief.

He hums in response. "Didn't Kakashi say we had something important to do today?"

"The bell thingie, yeah! It's supposed to be some kind of benchmark, I think?" Naruto replies. He sits up, brushing the dust out of his hair and closing his eyes- his chakra pulsing through the air and searching, trying to find the familiar, sharp electricity that's their teacher. "He's getting...closer," he mutters. "Just slowly."

"Dad's gonna be _pissed_ if I get home late again," Sakura murmurs, and Naruto feels like he wasn't supposed to hear it. He doesn't know if Sasuke can. 

"It's only twelve or something, I think."

"They're expecting me by four at the latest." She laughs bitterly, vulnerably. "Something after, I think."

Sasuke breathes out. "Going to social events after training can't be healthy."

"Mm." She acknowledges it with a final scribble onto her paper. "Tell _them_ that."

"I will!" Naruto interrupts, and he's absolutely serious. 

She laughs again, nervously this time. "I was joking. Don't. Please."

"You gave him the idea."

"Yeah, yeah!"

"Oh no."

**~**

"Three, two..." Kakashi doesn't even have time to finish his countdown, them already speeding off. Naruto feels a little bad for the utter surprise radiating off of him.

A little. 

"What're those?" Sakura asks, voice lowered as Sasuke shifts to let him press the seal into the skin of his shoulder, chakra transferring. He notices Sasuke's hand twitch when his own chakra starts melding into the ink. The paper comes back blank as he peels it off. 

"Chakra suppressors. Ero-sennin helped me with them." Naruto grins at her, suddenly feeling confident. "I can kinda sense them, but not the whole-" he gestures widely in front of him. "-y'know. It'll wear off after a while."

She pulls up her dress sleeve. "Ooh." They move slightly when Kakashi shifts.

Sasuke puts a finger over his lips. "Naruto and I will distract him, Sakura, you'll try and get the bells.

"You're faster than both of us. You're less likely to get caught." Sakura whispers. "And your Sharingan, too."

Yeah, that makes more sense. He activates his own seal, chakra bubbling into his shoulder.

He sighs, resigned as his eyes bleed into crimson. "Then I'll get the bells. You guys go." Sasuke slips out of the brush. Naruto follows his gaze over to Kakashi- who's reading again, the same stupid blanked out book- he nods to Sakura. 

"No, that's not how you-!" she hisses, not quite yelling but getting there. "Naruto, don't!" She vaguely gestures to Kakashi. He nods, grabbing her arm and focusing on a log near their teacher. Sasuke gives the signal.

They're switched with it, Sakura letting out an exaggerated groan. "Seriously?"

Kakashi-sensei doesn't quite close his book, sticking a finger between the pages. "Where's Sasuke?"

Sakura glances at the opposite area, smiling shyly and giving Naruto a look as her hand reaches into her holster.

"Wind Release: Gale Palm!"

He dodges the gust easily, one of Sakura's shuriken scratching his arm. "Not bad," Kakashi disappears with a wink.

Naruto scans the area.

Right? Nope.

Left? Nada.

Behind them? No.

Up? Still no.

Not visible...

His chakra's _present_ , it's just-

_He gets pulled in by his feet, struggling against the dirt._

"Sakura, jump!" He yells, grabbing her and sprinting toward a tree. She just barely manages to attach herself to the trunk, snapping her head towards the hand sticking out of the ground and glancing at the little pool near them. Sakura jumps down.

"Water Release: Scattering Bullets Technique!" 

Kakashi emerges, Sasuke following him behind- "Earth Release: Earth Style Wall!" 

She keeps the stream of bullets going, breathing getting heavy. "Naruto!" He startles, repeating his jutsu, and the wall stays steady, following as he moves away from Sakura's range. 

The bells jingle, wall crumbling to reveal a half buried Sasuke and a gone Kakashi. "Fuck."

Sasuke reactivates his Sharingan, letting out a harsh breath as he's pulled out.

"I have an idea." Naruto mutters. "It's dumb, but we can try."

**~**

Sasuke puts his hands together. "Demonic Illusion: Hell Viewing Technique."

Kakashi pauses, putting his book down and raising an eyebrow as a kunai (courtesy of Sakura) sails by his head and water is splashed into his face. "What-?"

"Kawarimi!" Naruto yells, the stick in his hand switching with the three bells. 

A moment of silence rushes by, maybe three.

Holy shit. 

"It- it worked?" Sakura asks breathlessly.

"Well." Kakashi murmurs, examining the stick. "You passed the test. I guess you three _are_ graduating this year after all."

They blink. 

**~**

"So you're graduating early. That's so cool."

Sakura notices how the rest of her friends stop their conversation to spare a glance at Ino, to hang off of her every word. Not that she blames them.

"Yeah- yeah, it is. It's not just me though." She hums, noting that everyone's gone back to their separate conversations after offering some sort of congratulations. "There's Naruto and Sasuke, then a couple from the other class. I only know the one girl."

"Hanako? She's a Nohara, right?"

"I think so, yeah."

The corners of Yui's- the only other person who's actually paying attention, the only other person that acknowledges Sakura's presence- mouth lift up in a teasing smirk as she mulls over the information. "So you and pretty boy are official now, ne?"

Sakura rolls her eyes, gesturing at Ino. " _She_ likes him, so no."

"If I didn't?"

She fake gags in response, scrunching her nose up. "Ew. I still don't understand what you see in him."

"He's just...cute, yeah? Like he has that whole vibe going for him."

Sakura pulls at her sleeve unconsciously, pushing down the empty feeling rising up her throat and trying to come out- 

"Not really, no."

Yui pouts. "C'mon, just cause _you_ don't see it doesn't mean that he isn't hot."

"Bleh."

"Sue me for my apparently _terrible_ taste in boys." Ino laughs. Sakura agrees, silently. "Graduation's only in like...five months, isn't it? Wow, that went by pretty fast."

Two weeks since the bell test.

"It's seriously been that long already? Really?" Yui blows a strand of auburn hair out of her face, jade green eyes shifting over to Sakura. "Dang, we're gonna miss you next year, huh?"

Sakura shoots her a look. "I'd hope so."

"In that case, maybe not."

Ino giggles. Sakura feels her heart skip a beat and wills the butterflies away.

The feelings are starting to hurt. 

They're starting to mess with her head, even if she doesn’t quite understand _what_ they are or why they’re there.

**~**

"Why didn't anyone tell me there was a test today?" Naruto whines, looking pointedly at Sakura, head down on the table.

She shrugs in response, Sasuke sighing in exasperation. "You're supposed to be paying attention in class, Naruto. Iruka-sensei went over it more than once."

"Still!"

"Idiot. It's not our fault you can't keep track of things."

"Now you're just being a bastard."

"Guys," Sakura whispers urgently, cutting in. "Papers are getting passed out."

"You're just making excuses." Sasuke retorts, ignoring her. She has to fight the urge to shove him out of his chair.

(She used to do that to Ino when they were younger. The first time was an accident and she wouldn't stop apologizing for a day, but it was funny. They never really stopped until...she doesn’t quite know when.)

Iruka approaches them, eyebrow raised and a stack of blank tests in his hand. "What's so entertaining over here?"

"Nothing!" Naruto replies quickly. "Just...uh."

Sasuke makes a face, not speaking up.

Sakura mentally facepalms. Idiots. 

"Then I trust you all will stop talking and allow your peers to work." He slides test packets to each one of them and points to a chair three rows back. "Naruto, sit there, please. You can move back once everyone's finished."

He pouts, reluctantly standing up when she kicks him and slumps all the way there, sticking his tongue out at Sasuke's smug expression.

She stifles a laugh, rolling her eyes and scribbling her name down her paper. 

Sometimes it's just easier around them.

Most of the time.

**~**

"You're doing good at school, honey," her mom says suddenly, handing her the pot so she can transfer the leftovers into a container. 

Sakura's eyes widen, head snapping up, voice lost somewhere in her surprise. "Are- are...you being sarcastic?"

Mebuki laughs, too forced to be real. "Really. I'm proud of you."

She blinks, thoughts and words coming out incoherent. 

"You can finish this up by yourself, right? Your dad'll be home tomorrow and upstairs is still kind of a mess."

Oh.

Of course. 

How naive _is_ she?

"I can do that," she responds automatically, scooping the last of the soup into the blue one. "Thanks."

"Good. Smile more for me, okay? You look nicer when you do."

**~**

Sakura groans. "We're literally _graduating_ in three months and you still can't pick out fruit."

"You're so mean to me, y'know." Naruto mutters, pouting. "Is this okay?"

She takes the the fruit from him. "Have you _not_ seen a healthy apple before or...?"

"Nope."

That startles her and she glances back, sharing a worried glance with Sasuke.

"It was a rhetorical question, dumbass." He cuts in, rolling his eyes. 

"Asshole."

"...you think we could get Jiraiya to pay for candy?" She asks after a moment of silence. 

Naruto pauses, pressing his lips together and making that face he always does. "I mean...yeah."

She notices Ino and Shikamaru- with his dad- walking though the produce section and grins at the boys. It's as forced as it feels, she knows it, but she gestures over at the candy aisle and forces her eyes away from Sasuke's confused shrug and Naruto's concerned question.

Not right now. She can't deal with seeing Ino right now. 

They're here to get their minds _off_ of everything, her parents, the odd feeling that surrounds Naruto's secret and how he keeps saying that he'll tell them eventually, to get Sasuke out of the compound.   
  


The funny feeling in her chest every time she sees her best friend, the way her heart flutters like people describe in those stupid fairytales...

It'd just add to the weight. 

**~**

Sakura hears the footsteps coming. She just can't bring herself to care enough to look back, to grasp the chakra signature, just burying her face farther into her knees. 

"You've been avoiding me." Ino says from behind her, voice quiet. Too quiet. "Is everything okay?" Of course that's what she asks because she's stupidly perfect and she cares so _much_ and it's exactly why she's screwed and-

Sakura anxiously pulls at the fabric of her sleeve, fingers absently tracing where she knows each line of raised skin is. She wonders whether the new ones were deep enough to scar permanently. Most of hers are just white now, sticking out against her skin when she doesn't want to bother with a genjutsu.

-and she _has_. That's the thing. She's been avoiding Ino for those _exact_ same reasons for _months_ because she's selfish enough to do that to her best friend, crush or not.

It's the only way she knows how to deal with whatever's going on with her. Avoiding talking about Ino, seeing her at school outside of lunch, talking _to_ her. Avoiding hearing about Sasuke and her questions about him. 

And it's not like she can say anything about any of it. Not to Ino, not her other friends, not even to Naruto and Sasuke. Just in case they think differently of her. 

(She knows that the boys won't, that they probably already know, but the possibility reigns her mind most days.)

"It isn't your fault," Sakura murmurs softly, carefully choosing her words. "Things have been weird lately. It's just more comfortable away from everyone."

_Away from you._

Ino shifts at that, turning to look at her and scooting closer. "There's something you're not telling me."

She startles and the blonde narrows her eyes. 

"You like him, don't you? You like Sasuke. That- that's why you always look so uncomfortable when I bring him up, right?"

Sakura chokes in surprise, eyes wide as she turns to look at her friend. Nothing comes out of her mouth when she opens it to deny it. 

"You do." She's standing at this point, breaths coming out heavily. 

"It's not like that." It comes out shakier than she intended.

"Stop lying to me to make me feel better, Sakura. It's fine if you do." Her body language says the opposite and it _hurts_.

"I'm not lying." Sakura whispers, the way she can't breathe properly starting to feel more and more familiar. 

She just _stopped_ crying, damn it.

Ino ignores her, fidgeting with the bracelet around her wrist, pacing now. "How long have you liked him? Before I did, or?" She scoffs, more to herself than anything. "It's not like I ever had a chance in the first place."

She's not listening. She's not listening. She's _not listening_.

Sakura scratches at her arm again, harder. 

"Ino-" Everything starts to feel wrong, _off_ , and it doesn't feel like she gave her legs permission to stand. 

"No, I didn't, did I? You're the only girl he ever talks to and he's always _calm_ when _you're_ there."

"Please," she breathes, not even a whisper.

"You- you didn't answer, how long-?"

"I don't even _like_ guys!" Sakura snaps, cutting her off and regretting it when Ino's eyes go even wider, fists and jaw going limp. 

Fuck.

She didn't just-

"...what?"

No. No, no, no, nononono _nonon_ _o._

She flinches back at the sound of Ino's uncertain tone. "I'm still not sure right now, I just..." Sakura wipes at her eyes, sitting back down. "...just know that I like girls, and- and-"

Part of her wants to tell Ino right now, tell her how everything she does from her laugh to the way she chews on her pencils gives her butterflies. 

The reasonable majority of herself pushes the rest of it down, still inching away in fear of the other's reaction. 

"Sakura-"

No. No, shut up, _please_.

"Sakura, there's nothing wrong with that." She says gently. Carefully. Like she's some piece of glass getting thrown around. "You didn't actually think this would change anything, right?"

The relief is hard to grasp. 

"That's not what everyone else says."

"Like...Naruto? I'll fight him if you want." Ino raises her hands mockingly. To make Sakura laugh. 

And just like that, the fuzzy feeling's back, tingles washing over her skin and stomach flipping. 

"No! No. I haven't- haven't told anyone yet."

She watches as Ino's eyes soften, mouth forming a gentle 'o' as she sits back down- closer to Sakura, and closer and _closer-_

"I'm sorry." 

Sakura blinks. "What?"

"I kind of forced you to do that earlier, right?"

Well...

"Yeah- yeah, but it's fine, don't worry about it-"

"I'm going to either way, stupid. I'm sorry. Really."

Her heartbeat's fast, fast, _fast_ , getting _faster_ -

"Hey. I'm here." Ino whispers, both hands on her face now, squishing her cheeks together. Sakura swallows. "I'm not going anywhere."

Sakura nods pathetically as the other girl lets go. "It's- it's fine. I forgive you."

Ino lets out a quiet sigh, smiling with a miserable attempt to change the subject. "So...I can have Sasuke, then?"

She laughs on instinct, ignoring the hurt pulling at her heartstrings because she knows _this_ hurt like the back of her own hand. It'll be okay. "I still don't get the appeal."

"We're not having this conversation again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'know I can't relate to Sakura in this because I've lost feelings over someone using the wrong your (ik, I have a problem). If someone ever made me feel the way my parents do I'm cutting them off completely-
> 
> But keep in mind that they're literally eleven and you can't blame Ino for being a little hysterical.


	15. Resolve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- Nightmare aftermath, depiction of Itachi's canon death, anxiety.

They're finally here. In this moment, in this time.

Itachi's body- already almost limp- barely managing to stagger forward.

There isn't any satisfaction in the sight like Sasuke had expected. Like he'd anticipated. There isn't any twisted relief, no want to celebrate his almost-victory. Nothing to spur him forward, to take the kill. All that's left is the insane urge to call for help. The bone-chilling regret rushing through his veins. The exhausted wish for death to come in and take him too. 

He's finally strong enough to be here. Finally strong enough to get to Itachi. Strong enough to complete the goal he's been working for for the majority of his life. 

But it's _wrong_.

There's some kind of feeling pulling and pulling and _pulling_ at his gut and it's _agonizing_.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. I'm afraid there won't be a next time."

No.

Something's wrong.

This _isn't_ -

 _No_.

His brother's fingers linger on his forehead a little too long, blood dragged down Sasuke's face, going sideways as Itachi falls.

Sasuke's breath hitches as he catches sight of the tears lingering in the other's eyes. 

No. No, no, no, _please_ -

The only reason he doesn't cry or scream or- or _something_ is because he follows suit, the impact of the fight finally catching up. 

**~**

He jerks awake, cold sweat dripping down his arms and covers flying off of him. His breathing is heavy and harsh-

Sasuke steals a glance at Naruto's sleeping form above him on the bed, exhaling a sigh of relief.

-but at least he _can_ breathe.

The exhale that comes after is shaky, him pressing his legs into his chest and face into his knees. He hasn't had a nightmare with Naruto around before, much less a completely new one. One that's set in the future, not lingering on the ghosts that follow him. Not focusing on the idea that he has to pay- that he has to avenge each person who died that night.

It focuses on a completely new angle of his goal, his revenge: the aftermath. What's going to happen after? He's never planned to live past the fight, either dying midway or falling as soon as Itachi does like in the dream. His brother's always been untouchable, on a pedestal. What would happen if he did? What if he doesn’t?

What if he's never strong enough to kill Itachi?

The notion makes him feel sicker.

He has people now. Again. 

A family- and maybe Sakura and Kakashi are somehow a little different from Naruto, but they're all precious to him nonetheless. 

He'll be strong enough to protect _them_ from him, and that's more important than anything else.

But-

What if he isn't? What if revenge somehow becomes more important than them?

His breath hitches at the possibility. 

-what if he loses them because of it?

What if this is all some elaborate plan for Itachi to fuck everything up more?

It's almost unthinkable, but he used to feel the same way about him being able to do any wrong, to step down from this pedestal that he'd built.

It's not impossible.

Itachi played this part for _years._ He pretended to care and to love Sasuke and to be as perfect as he was so that he could...

It's not impossible that he left Sasuke alive just to toy with him. 

It isn't. 

And it's not like Sasuke hates him- he _can't_. He's never been able to erase the memories. 

Would killing Itachi...be the right thing in the end? Would he just be playing into his brother's hands, falling into another trap?

Why would he ask Sasuke to kill him unless...

Suddenly, a figure is in front of him, a warm, small hand rubbing silent circles into his back, the other one pulling him in, in, _in_.

Sasuke hadn't heard Naruto wake up. 

"You're okay. It's going to be okay, stay with me. Stay with me, Sas'."

He buries his face into his best friend's shoulder and they stay like that for a while, Sasuke trying really, really hard not to cry even with the pain as fresh as ever, questions in the back of his mind, holding on when Naruto shifts backward. It feels too right to let go. 

So he doesn't.

Neither of them have to say anything. 

They just stay there until Sasuke falls back asleep, so much warmer than before. Naruto follows easily. 

**~**

"Sensei?"

Kakashi stops breathing for a moment, eyes wide. That sounded like _Sasuke_ , and Sasuke hasn't called him his sensei since Naruto found out about everything. 

He spins around, gaze glued to the child in front of him. It _is_ Sasuke. 

God. He swallows with difficulty, forcing himself to seem unaffected. "Yes?"

"Have you ever...tried to take revenge?"

Oh. 

That's an unusual question. The temporary elation fades away.

It was nice while it lasted.

"I have." 

"How did it feel? After, I mean." Sasuke taps on his knuckles nervously, staring down.

That's an even more unusual question. 

"Ah. You're thinking about whether or not you should go after your brother in the long run."

The kid flinches back at that, and Kakashi feels like he shouldn't have said that for a moment. 

But going with his gut's never failed him before.

"Yeah. I have."

He exhales in relief. 

"Why?"

Sasuke doesn't answer, brows pressing together. "Why?" He echoes. 

"You've always seemed so set on revenge. Why now?" 

"I want to be okay," he starts, quiet- almost to the point where he can't be heard. "I want to protect Naruto and Sakura. I don't want to keep being a pawn in Itachi's game."

Kakashi startles at that.

"When he- that night, I don't know why he left me alive. I don't know how he kept pretending for so long-"

He's inclined to agree. Shisui used to tease Itachi about how good of a brother he was and they seemed so happy. So alive. 

The massacre had been such an unforeseen event. 

"-I don't know what he's planning anymore. I don't want to keep being manipulated."

It’s obvious he’s put thought into this. That he’s been lingering on the subject, and it’s probably why Sakura and Naruto seem on edge.

Sasuke crosses his arms, curling into himself. 

"I have. Taken revenge, that is. It's always empty in the end and doesn't bring anyone back, trust me." Kakashi pauses, smiling as he ruffles Sasuke's hair. "But it sounds like you already have your answer."

"I- I do."

"Then there you have it, kiddo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did rewrite an old oneshot from May, and it's KakaObi if you're into that


	16. New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check my bio for my linktree!

"You're really all grown up now, aren't you, Naruto?" Iruka's voice is soft and his words are heavy as he presses the hitai-ate into his hands.

His chakra is warm, proud- he can feel the emotions bubbling up, laced with a tinge of regret that comes with the quiet, crackling flames that he's never quite been able to sort. 

And the forehead protector...

It's everything he's ever wanted. Ever expected.

It feels so... _right_. The cold, thin plate pressed up against his hand and the rough fabric that it's sewn onto. Everything. He traces the crest's engraving on the metal, getting warmer with every touch, every bit of it fitting perfectly as he turns it around and ties it on, just tight enough- making sure that it won't fall off anytime soon. 

So it'll hold together long enough for Sakura to fix it later.

He swallows the lump in his throat, grinning as Iruka laces his fingers into Naruto's hair, leaning down and whispering a quiet, 'be safe', in his ear before patting his back and sending him off. Naruto notices how he has to turn around to wipe his eyes.

Kakashi waves him over to where they're all standing- well, not Sakura, she's with her parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and _everyone_ off to the side. Where they can't see _him_. Jealousy runs through him after the initial hurt, but he knows that she isn't exactly lucky either. None of them are. 

Sasuke smiles at him, not a smirk, a real, genuine smile he can feel through his bones, that makes Naruto feel a lot better for some reason. It still doesn't feel real, like he's falling through the sky or walking in slow motion. The way Sasuke's teeth glint- how'd he get them so white in the first place?- in the sunlight don't make today feel any less like a dream.

This isn't an official graduation, not the kind where all the classes sit together on the last day of the second-to-last week and cheer for the newly minted genin. Where there's balloons and families all gathered together to talk and yell and be _happy_. 

Today's the week after the last day, and they're standing outside in the Academy field instead of in the fluorescent lights of the auditorium. He thinks it's great anyways. 

Better, even.

There's only five kids who graduated from their year, though. He knows _one_ of the other kids' names: Nohara Ren, thinks that Sakura might know the girl's, who're standing together with an older woman who's smiling so wide it looks like her face might split in half. 

Sasuke bumps their shoulders together when Naruto gets there, Kakashi clapping them both on the shoulder with a grin that's somehow blinding even through his mask. His visible eye is crinkled in that same smile and doesn't relax until he gestures over to Sakura and her family with his head and lets go. 

They're still all talking to- no, _at_ her- Naruto can tell from the way her hands are shaking and how her chakra's racing now, mouth opening to talk and closing without a word in. They don't notice him or Sasuke. The rushing slows when their teacher walks in with a smile that's somehow so different, shaking hands with her father and putting a hand on Sakura's shoulder the same way he had with him and Sasuke. 

Sakura's calm then and Sasuke sighs a quiet breath of hope. 

It's more than he could ask for.

Then the Sandaime walks up for his speech, that same empty smile playing on his lips. But Naruto can feel the gentle surprise and a hint of satisfaction mixed in with the familiar lavender and grassy fields as he speaks.

It's perfect, really. 

**~**

"Hi." 

Sakura looks up from where she's been sitting by the gates. Everyone else is busy, Naruto and Sasuke having some sort of dumb contest, Kakashi talking to the Sandaime and another jonin, her family seemingly forgotten about her already. 

"Hi." She answers back, hesitant. "Your name's Hanako, right?"

The girl in front of her laughs gently, taking her seat next to Sakura. "Yeah, but everyone calls me Hana. I'm assuming you're prodigy girl, then?"

She blinks. That's a new one.

"C'mon, all the girls in my class think you're really cool since you're friends with-" Hanako whirls around, nodding over at Sasuke. "Uchiha over there. You also have better grades than him, apparently. But they never mention your name for some reason."

"Sakura. Haruno Sakura."

"I like that. Your name, I mean. It's pretty."

"Thanks. I like yours too." She says, fighting the urge to get out of there before it gets any more tense.

Hanako giggles. "Has anyone told you that you're not good at conversation?"

Sakura relaxes, just a little. "More than I'd like."

"You're really formal." She comments bluntly, backtracking quickly. "Not that there's anything wrong with that, though."

Sakura straightens herself, leaning back against the bars of the fence. She's probably getting her skirt dirty, but she doesn't have it in her to care right now, eyes looking back at the other girl, unintentionally analyzing. Hanako's short hair is a chestnut kind of brown, kind of warm in the dusk light, eyes a little lighter. Her attention follows the purple clan markings running down both sides of her face. "I've been told that a lot too."

Ino likes to point out little things like that all the time, normally teasing about how her shoelaces are so white or how she has a completely different voice for when she talks to adults. 

"We're the only two girls graduating from our year, aren't we?"

She nods in response, not quite knowing what to expect as she lines up the next rock with her foot. 

That's eight. 

"You're lucky, though. You and your teammates are friends. I have no idea who the third person in my group's gonna be." Hanako sighs. "Ren's annoying enough as it is. I don't wanna be paired with someone like them."

"Ren?" Sakura asks, glancing over at the other Nohara. 

"My twin. They go by they/them right now. It changes sometimes."

"That's cool." Sakura offers. 

"God, you really are awkward, aren't you?"

What else is she supposed to say?

Seriously. 

"You don't have to say it every five seconds." She pouts, finding some sort of a rhythm. 

"Sorry, sorry."

Sakura smiles, just slightly. "But I know."

The silence isn't as uncomfortable as before, both girls- well, just Hanako, really, staring up at the clouds for a while.

"Well, I'm just glad you're not a homophobe or anything. Gran' says that civilians can be like that sometimes."

"Most are," Sakura hums, thinking back to family reunions a lot like this one. "It sucks."

"At least you've got common sense."

"I wouldn't say that yet."

Hana smiles, brighter this time. "See? You're not all that awkward when you've got a flow."

"Is that even a compliment?"

"I try."

"Sakura! Come over here! Your hair's getting messed up!" Her mother calls after a while. 

"It doesn't look that bad, just so you know."

"Wow, thanks."

"You're welcome. I'll see you when I see you. But, uh," Hana pauses, putting her hand out. "-friends?"

Sakura takes it.

"Friends."

**~**

"I like girls." Sakura blurts out. It's a couple nights after graduation, and Kakashi- bless him- managed to get them a D-rank at nighttime. 

Naruto blinks at her, not much surprise coming form the admission. "Okay? That's fine. Lots of people are gay." 

The word makes her wince even though it's anything but an insult. 

Somehow, that makes her feel better about herself. "Oh."

Sasuke snorts. "I was wondering when you were going to say anything about Ino."

She startles at that. "You knew?"

It was pretty probable that they both already knew.

It's not a surprise. At least...it shouldn't be. 

And it isn't. 

Not really.

"It's obvious, 'kura. I'm pretty sure even the idiot could tell."

He grins sheepishly. "I had an idea."

"How long?"

Sasuke hums. "Probably a year or so."

"Yep."

"Wait, that's longer than..." Sakura blows a strand of hair out of her face as she pulls at the next weed- that's barely lit in her jutsu. (It's not fire this time, luckily. It's a glowing ball of water.) "-than _I've_ known."

Naruto laughs. She shoves him, blowing away another pink lock. 

"Hold on. I wanna try something." 

"What is it?"

Sasuke wipes off his hands on his pants, gesturing for the blonde to hand him the wipes. "I used to braid his hair when I was little. I don't think I was that good at it, but-"

Him is Itachi. 

Sasuke's trying to forgive Itachi right now. 

Somehow.

Okay.

"Go for it."

"Don't blame me if I mess up then."

"No promises." She grins at him.

His hands- smaller than her mom's, actually, that's _weird_ to think about- thread through her hair, combing it out before untying her forehead protector and placing it somewhere off to the side. She can feel him sectioning out her hair, carefully putting the front two out in front of her shoulders. 

It's still a little appalling that they already knew and that all that time she spent trying to prepare herself was for absolutely nothing. 

But it's also not that surprising at the same time?

Hm.

It's weird.

Sasuke ties the braid off, wrapping her hitai-ate back around her head. "It doesn't look _._. _.bad._ "

"Naruto!" She calls, gesturing him over as her little ball of light moves to light her face. "Does it look okay?"

He stares for a moment, head tilted. Then he beams and gives two thumbs up. "Awesome! Good job, Sas'!"

The other boy seems stunned for a bit, blinking. "It's not as hard as I remember."

She trails her fingers over the braid. "Give yourself credit. It feels right. I think."

Sasuke snorts. "Thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to capture how much more comfortable Sakura is with her teammates than with new people or adults. But Hana and Ren are going to be pretty involved with missions and stuff, and expect Team Gai soon!


	17. Endless Cycle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- somewhat explicit self harm, gaslighting
> 
> guys I found my fifth grade depression playlist
> 
> it's literally all nightcore what-

"You have to be more careful about these things, Sakura!" Mebuki snaps, warily eyeing the new scar on her daughter's hand. It was an accident this time, really; Sasuke slipped and Naruto was holding a kunai and she got cut, the wound barely spreading from her index knuckle to the base of her thumb.

It would've been a waste of chakra to heal and the first-aid kit was enough.

"I'm fine. It's just a cut."

Sakura has _more_ , yeah. It's not like her mother ever notices _those._

"No, it isn't. I'm honestly worried about you, especially now that you're being forced to be in contact with that...boy."

Naruto. Ah. 

"You know what people say about him, don't you? He's bad news. I've heard that he used to graffiti the monument, for God's sake. Several times!" 

Maybe telling her that she's been very... _involved_ in those occasions before would be a bad idea. Sakura thinks about it a little longer than what's probably considered healthy. Or sane. 

Mebuki wipes over the cut with antiseptic cream _again_ , harshly, her overly long nails digging into Sakura's skin. She flinches back and her mother stops abruptly, throwing her hand back into her own lap. "Go ahead. Keep giving me that attitude and I'm going to tell your father when he gets back."

Sakura bites back the scoff and the comment pointing out that one of them volunteers at the hospital regularly and it isn't her mother. That one of them has a job and actually _cares_ about what happens in the world, and it isn't her mother. 

"One day, I won't be around to help you with little things like this. In twenty years...you never know." Her mother stands up with the harsh click of her heels on the floor. 

She doesn't like to think about that.

That someday, she'll die- both her parents will and end up _right_.

"Be like that then."

"Be like _what_? I'm not even-"

"This! Exactly this! The eyerolls, the talking back to adults, _everything_." She scoffs, an overly familiar expression on her mother's face. "I don't understand how you can't even _think_ about these things before you do them."

Sakura clicks her teeth together, taking note that time seems to have stopped and how she can't feel her hands clenching the table. It should hurt...but it doesn't. 

"Think about how I feel when you suddenly strike up an attitude. Imagine being in my shoes, as a parent, knowing you've failed your child. You are the representative of this family, and I _know_ I didn't raise you to be like this."

She swallows.

"It's those _teachers_ of yours, that- that Iruka. Kakashi hasn't done anything for you either. This shi- _crap_ they tell you- none of it's true."

"It's literally my job to listen to them."

Mebuki looks almost incredulous at that. "In case you've forgotten, I am your _mother_ , I birthed you, I carried you for _nine months_ \- and this is what I get? The absolute disrespect because I decided to give you a simple responsibility, to carry on the Haruno name. We put a roof over your head, give you your own space, everything. I don't see how this 'career' of yours gives you the right to act like you’re the one paying rent."

No, but it’s opened her eyes to the point where she has an _opinion_. One that matters.

"I didn't _ask_ to be born. That was all you."

Shit.

"I made a mistake."

"Nice to know that's how you feel about your own kid."

The sound that escapes her mother's mouth is an odd mix of a whine and a yell, eyes blown wide. "Go to your room. Now. Dealing with you is too much for me."

She complies, eager to get out because the tension is draining her, and it's almost like that pisses Mebuki off more. 

It doesn't make any sense. 

Does it ever?

"Dad'll be hearing about this, just so you know. He won't be happy."

Sakura really doesn't need to be reminded, palms getting uncomfortably clammy as she pushes the door shut behind her. 

The lock clicks after what feels like an eternity, the echoing of her mother's footsteps resonating through her brain, Sakura unable to feel anything but the handle of the kunai against her palm and the cool metal of the blade pressing against her skin. 

It's kind of funny how the sight of her own blood and the sharp, satisfying blink of pain is the only thing that'll scratch the itch at the back of her head sometimes. The only thing that gives her some kind of control. Everything else is dictated on someone else's mood and opinion of her. 

...Maybe it isn’t all that funny.

**~**

"Darling, I'm going out. Do you need anything?" Her tone is sickeningly sweet as the door creaks open, Mebuki poking her head through the crack like nothing even happened. It's always the same thing. This stupidly toxic cycle on repeat that Sakura just... _expects_ to change one day. It never does.

Why can't she just accept that?

Why can't she just _figure_ _out_ that it's _never_ going to change and that hoping's useless?

Sakura traces her fingernails across her forearm, wincing when she hits one of the fresh cuts. "...I'm good."

"Okay. Dad'll be home in an hour or so, and it'd be nice if you could bake those cookies we all really like."

"Yeah."

Softening the blow. 

Not like she's going to get yelled at for it or anything. 

Her mother turns on the light as she leaves, door slowly moving shut. 

**~**

She makes the cookies anyways, that tablespoon of instant coffee and an extra fourth cup of sugar.

Just the way Dad likes it. 

Because she can almost hear his voice- and his laugh that means she's doing something wrong but won't say it until he decides it's important enough to throw a fit over.

Because that's the way it always is.

Sakura's tired of it. 

Her arms are tired of gaining new scars because it's the only thing that makes her feel like she has power over _something_ in her life. 

The oven beeps and the front door opens. She wants to cry for some reason, but she doesn't. 

She laughs when he makes a poor attempt at a joke before patting her head and declaring that he needs a shower. 

One more week and they're going to get their first C-rank. 

One more week and she'll get to escape and breathe and be free.

Even just for a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo it's done
> 
> I tried not to use too many trigger words during the cutting scene just in case. 
> 
> also school's a thing now 
> 
> I don't like it much because no one talks in virtual classes lol


	18. First C Rank: Planning and Prepping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- gaslighting
> 
> honestly truly not my intention to bash Iruka or anything, but I was trying to embody the whole being overprotective of students who aren't his anymore thing

Weeks of shoving things into boxes and pushing furniture together and Jiraiya randomly showing up at his apartment at the middle of the night and carrying boxes to the compound later-

His next breath is quiet, shaky as he sets the last tank top onto a sealing scroll. 

-he feels empowered. He feels _alive_. 

He feels like he has a _home_ now.

An honest, real home that isn't just somewhere he sleeps. It isn't just creaky pipes and horrible water pressure. 

The scroll rolls into itself once the process is done.

Naruto looks up, still partially in shock that this entire place- the off-white walls and hardwood floors, the couch that's honestly unlike anything he's ever felt before, it's so soft. The black ceiling fan that he's still kind of scared of, the multiple rooms, the squeaky stairs- is his now.

This is all _his_. 

It'll be Sasuke's too eventually, and maybe he's being kind of an ass about not letting anyone but the Sandaime and his godfather in for now...

But this has to be perfect the first time his teammates and teacher step in. Even if Sakura's not moving in and Kakashi's refused all attempts to talk about his own involvement. He wants them to have the exact reaction he did, the open jaw and running around and latching onto the nearest person. Maybe not the crying part.

It's really the thought that counts. 

That isn't going to stop him from trying though. 

The hung picture of the now Team 7 glints in the dim lighting, the lit lantern reflecting off the frame's surface. 

It's going to be perfect. Awesome at the least, and he can't tell whether he's thinking about the house or the C-rank. 

**~**

Iruka raises an eyebrow at his senior, lips pressed together. "They only graduated a month ago, Kakashi-san."

"And?"

" _And_? They're eleven, and I _know_ these kids. They aren't ready yet."

Kakashi shifts at that. "I know them just as well as you do."

"It's been a _month_. They're hardly even genin as it is. A C-rank is too sudden."

That..isn't appreciated. 

He glances back at his kids warily, their expressions ranging from hurt to surprise to the way Sasuke moves in front of his teammates. 

"Iruka." The Sandaime says, with that same uneasy, firm apprehension lacing his voice. "Kakashi's students are far above the average genin."

The other man bows his head and murmurs a quick apology. 

He feels like a child right now. It's uncomfortable. 

"I've been training them for almost three years. They're going to be fine, all three of them," he lets out a quiet breath, mind wandering to the possibilities Iruka's implying. Kakashi doesn't like them. "They can handle a security detail."

"That's right." Hiruzen cuts in, the quiet expectation in his eyes boring through Iruka's own. Kakashi almost feels bad. 

Almost.

The chunin sighs, expression contorting into a half-smile, handing him three files almost identical in complexion, hands reluctant as he spreads them out and pushes them forward. "Take care of them."

 _Of Naruto_ , goes unsaid. Kakashi hears it anyway. 

"I will." The jonin eyes the folders warily, picking the middle one. It's a basic, C-ranked security detail as promised.

They can do this.

Naruto can do this.

Sakura can do this. 

Sasuke can do this. 

_Kakashi_ can do this.

They're going to be fine. 

"We'll be alright." He murmurs. "Right?"

Sakura stiffens, the grin on her face hard to conceal as she nods. Sasuke's previous wariness fading away, his smile almost as big as Naruto's.

It's going to be okay.

**~**

Sasuke's world has been out of balance for a while. He keeps relating little achievements to Itachi, because his brother has been his goal for the last four years. This- a C-rank, their _first_ one- has nothing to do with him. None of it ever has.

Killing Itachi shouldn't be his goal. It isn't.

Not anymore.

It's hard to let go, yeah, but keeping the people he cares about safe...

Keeping them alive- making sure they don't suffer the same fate as his first family- is leaps and bounds more important than a goal that could've been another pointless mind game. 

That's never going to change, no matter how many times Sakura's stubbornness cuts through and she refuses to do something for herself, or how many times Naruto decides to wake up in the middle of the night to make instant ramen.

They're too important to lose. 

He straps his holster to his calf with a determined expression on his face. Everything of value- to Sasuke, at least- at this point, a couple boxes at the door and most of the old furniture still laying around. Naruto's already moved into the new house. Mostly. 

Sasuke knows that he sleeps there, that him and Jiraiya are still picking out furniture and paintings and everything. 

He hasn't let either him or Sakura in yet. At all, even though Sasuke's supposed to be moving in _with_ him, not after. He just sighs as he dusts himself off and pulls his bag on. 

The pre-mission jitters- exactly like Kakashi'd described the first eight times, his hands clasping and unclasping, fingers moving on their own as he pulls open the front door- are racking at Sasuke's nerves. He's going to have Sakura and Naruto with him, and they're one hell of a team. They always have been.

They always will be. 

**~**

Sakura turns away from her father with a scowl lining her face. She's not going to stand for this right now. 

Anytime but this, right now, right here, because she's supposed to be leaving right now. She's supposed to be outside of this stuffy house and the coconut scented candles that they like so much. 

"I'm disappointed in you for not telling us sooner."

They wouldn't have let her go in the first place.

"But," He puts an arm around her mother's waist, the action sickeningly forced. "I think that this is a new learning experience. Tell me this,"

She nods.

"Because you decided to act up and _lie_ \- you know I hate liars, don't you?- just know that if _anything_ happens due to this _delusion_ of yours, your mother and I are not responsible. _You_ are."

She knows this.

She fucking knows this stupid speech like the back of her own hand. 

She's tired of it.

"Yes." Sakura cringes at the sound of her own voice, almost silent.

Weak.

Mebuki's expression shifts into a falsely innocent one, the bitter turn in her tone noticed. "Look at your father when he's talking to you. You’re not that...pathetic, are you?”

Sakura forces herself to look up.

"Why are you _crying_? We're just talking. Like adults. You're an adult now, right? You keep talking about this job of yours like it's such a big deal."

"That isn't...that's never my intention." She manages to force out, his gaze shifting into something she's seen so many times before. 

It takes half an hour of _lecturing_ \- as _they_ would call it- and a torn in half, empty sealing scroll for them to basically push her away and out of the house. 

God, she hates this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WANT TO KILL OFF SAKURA'S PARENTS BUT I CAN'T BC THEN SHE'LL BLAME HERSELF AND I CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPEN FJASJFIWASJFJSFOW-
> 
> also yay Naruto's finally moved in! just the other two children left
> 
> on a separate note, I've had a Haikyuu AU rolling around in my head for a while that I don't know what to do with so that might be showing up soon. oh yeah, Sakura's character study's just been pushed into the last chapter instead of a separate post, just so you know.


	19. First C-Rank: Minimal Conflict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- speculation/reference to self-harm. 
> 
> I KNOW I KNOW IT'S BEEN SO LONG AND I BASICALLY REWROTE THE ENTIRE ARC I'M SORRY

The girl in front of him's mouth upturns into one of those soft smiles, eyes crinkling shut. It's easy to see that she's a civilian in the way she moves so freely, posture prim all the same.

"I'm Keira. I'm also assuming you're the jonin in charge of these three lovelies." She shakes Kakashi's hand with two of hers. "It's nice to meet you, erm...?"

"Kakashi," He replies with ease, stepping aside so Keira can see the kids. She waves, a little shy. The kids are kind of stiff at the moment- probably just jitters, but he brushes his hand over each of their heads just in case. "So, as an overview, we will be escorting you to Tanzaku Gai and helping set up a party, correct? Is there anything you feel I should know about?"

Minato-sensei used to recite that last bit word-for-word, trying to make sure the client was comfortable and get every bit of information he could in the same time-frame. Kakashi remembers how he always thought the charismatic smiles and the quiet jokes he made were a waste of that time. Rin would remind him to respect their teacher and Obito would make up some kind of challenge as retribution.

They would...

An overwhelming burst of nostalgia runs through him before he can stop it, already feeling like the world is going to fall apart around him.

It's Naruto's tug on his vest and the last fragment of their client's sentence that snaps him out of it. "-that's about right, yes. It's just a safety precaution my father thought would be necessary."

"Alright. Introduce yourself, you three."

He remembers this part too, how Minato would smile and nod and push all three of his students forward the exact same way Kakashi is now.

I'm Sakura," the younger girl states, closing her red-rimmed eyes and bowing respectfully- using that voice she always does when she's talking to adults- "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"You have a very pretty name," Keira brushes a lock of hair behind her shoulder; her pale blue eyes shining in the sunlight, their color contrasting her darker skin.

Sakura's sharp inhale is sudden and her thanks is barely there.

Naruto goes next with a grin splitting his face in two. "Uzumaki Naruto here!"

She laughs, extending her hand for him to shake. "It's a pleasure."'

"Uchiha Sasuke." Sasuke tilts his head in acknowledgement, expression stiffer than Kakashi'd thought it would be.

He wonders if he should be worried, just for a moment before Naruto's already running ahead and pulling Sasuke with him. The grin plastering his face is bright to the point where Sakura just wipes her eyes and takes a deep breath before catching up.

(His Sharingan hasn't been used since she's started acting so weird. He's too much of a coward to check, though the nagging feeling in his gut still hasn't stopped.)

Kakashi's been watching over her lately, just during training and on D-ranks, and he thinks that the worry is justified.

But they have a mission to do right now: their first C-rank, at that. It's a big deal- especially for Sakura. He doesn't want to ruin it for her.

He sighs, smiling and nodding at Keira to follow.

**~**

Their first of two or three days on the is largely uneventful. It's _hot_ though, like having to peel off his jacket and all the padding he's wearing off kind of hot, but it just adds to the constant, disappointing boredom. He'd expected so much... _more_ from this, and there's only so many ways he can think of annoying Sasuke when he's drenched in sweat.

"Sakura! Sakura- _chan_ ," Naruto adds the prefix after she doesn't respond the first twenty-six- or is it twenty- _seven_?- times. He earns a glare that could kill in response, almost as bad as Sasuke's, and he just _knows_ that today hasn't been kind to his teammate either. "I'm boreeeed..."

Both of them are at the front of the group right now, Naruto carrying Keira-san's bag with his shoulder while half the sealing scrolls are in Sakura's satchel, the other half somewhere in Kakashi's possession. He goes to fold his arms behind his neck and pouts when he figures out that he can't with the bag hung on his arm. The leather's probably soaked up half the sun at this point. Moving it would probably burn him somewhere.

Did he mention that he's tired?

Because he is, _god_.

Her chakra shifts as her green eyes glaze over and soften, that familiar rush of her chakra river (as they'd deemed it during training once) almost the opposite of what it normally is. No bright ambition or harsh, joking irritation, no bubbly, almost laughing sensation running through him as he focuses on the way Sakura's chakra feels, like he's holding it with his own two hands. Slipping through his fingers.

Naruto reaches up to scratch at an itch on his nose and has to double back because he misses it the first time. He doesn't like Sakura's odd mix of emotion and jumbled up words that he knows are _just_ on the tip of her tongue.

"Go bother Sasuke or something," She remarks concisely, stiffly, taking a quiet sip from her water bottle, wiping at her mouth when she's done.

His eyes unfocus from their fixation on Sakura herself, body on autopilot as he forces himself to keep walking through the exhaustion. The river slows as her shoulders relax, a sigh leaving her lips like she's barely able to hold on to reality.

Which is probably true.

Sasuke's footsteps are becoming more prominent, dragging further as he locks onto the Uchiha's chakra signature; the warm, sheer electricity of it that's ever present- crackling and crackling. It's oddly comforting to Naruto, the way it's always consistent, and he thinks that Kakashi's might be too.

He wonders why Sakura's isn't. Naruto shifts closer to her so he can poke her in the side and flinches back because he _doesn't want to die young, shit, why would he-_

"Stupid," She hardly even _reacts_ , the punch to his arm a lot weaker than normal. Her smile's a little more genuine now. He's relieved. Sakura frowns at him, looking up to his face skeptically and poking his cheek. He hisses out a curse and her frown shifts so that it's less teasing, deeper. "Are you even wearing sunscreen?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I don't think it's enough-" Her laugh is breathless, eyes still a little puffy from whatever happened earlier, but he's grateful for it. "-you're a little burned. Kakashi-sensei?"

Their teacher looks up from where he's walking behind the group, book in hand. The one with the blanked out title. Kakashi snaps it shut. "Sakura."

"I think Naruto needs more sunscreen."

"Oh?" Kakashi stops, and Keira-san doesn't seem to mind; she's fanning herself with a piece of paper. It might be a magazine.

" _I can take my bag back._ " She mouths at him, smiling gentle and genuine, but Sakura takes it wordlessly, sending a turn of her lips back to the woman in reply. Keira smiles back at her. 

Sasuke looks concerned when they make eye contact, muttering something along the lines of- "Idiot." Naruto watches sheepishly as he rummages through his bag for something, pulling out a sealing scroll and glancing back at sensei. Kakashi nods, and Sasuke cuts through the skin of his thumb with his teeth, pressing his blood down onto the seal.

The bottle of sunscreen is clear, the cream itself a pale cocoa color, a yellow screw-on cap contrasting nicely. It's the kind they sell exclusively at that one store down 16th street, the one that has the Konoha crest scrawled on the lid with sharpie- Naruto thinks it might be a family brand.

Kakashi takes it from where Sasuke is holding the bottle out, Sakura's barely hidden snicker catching his attention. He sticks his tongue out at her while she can still see him.

Before...

Mm.

He squirms, blowing a piece of hair out of his face in the process as their teacher smears his complexion with the stuff.

(It's uncomfortable, but part of him has always _wondered_ what it felt like to have someone fawn over you to this point- rubbing in lotion and oils and _sunscreen_ , in this case.

Naruto doesn't have to wonder anymore.)

**~**

"Keira-san?" Sasuke prods. "Are you alright?"

She smoothes back her hair with both hands and goes back to fanning once she's done. "Just fine,"

It _is_ really hot outside, he notes, a frown pulling at the corners of his mouth. He hasn't taken off half his clothes yet like Naruto has, but the back of his neck isn't exactly dry and fresh at the moment. Sasuke hums in response to both their client and the heat, scanning the horizon. They've been traveling at least three hours at this point, and it's eight on foot.

The sky is an odd mixture of orange and blue and pink, most of the clouds the color of cotton candy. He can see the moon to his left, Naruto's right because he's walking backwards to hold some sort of conversation with him.

It's oddly endearing.

Sakura's breathing is heavy, and it's not like she was in that good of a state when she got there either. Naruto's is just slightly more labored than before, their clients' exactly what he was expecting: civilian and harsh. He can't hear Sensei's.

**~**

The sky is already pitch black by the time they start to see city lights, glowing in all different colors, and it's suddenly _freezing_ out- the sweat running down his back really, really uncomfortable. Sakura and Naruto have both pulled their jackets back on, and Sasuke regrets not taking his off before.

He sighs in relief when they finally enter the inn, Kakashi booking two rooms: one for all four of them, then the other for Keira-san.

(It takes way, way too long for it to be his turn for a shower. The water's cold when he steps in, and he wonders whether it was always cold.)

Sasuke's never been good at waking up early.

(Not since the massacre. Before that, he'd be the one waking up his mother and dragging her out of bed.

There's no one to wake up anymore.)

It didn't matter when he actually had a reason to wake up early, when they were in the academy and he'd wake up crumpled into the futon spread out on Naruto's bedroom floor. It's still routine- having to stretch his neck the moment he tilts his head the wrong way because he's too stubborn to ask for another pillow, eating nothing but ramen, deadpanning complaints about his best friend's taste in food. The waking up in cold sweat and the process of deciding to sleep anywhere other than his house.

So when the sunlight glares through the hotel window's blinds and he realizes, _wait, Naruto doesn't have a window that big._ He chooses to ignore it until Sakura, being _Sakura,_ peels the pillow off of his head and throws it to the other side with a huff. "Keira-san needs us today, remember?"

He can feel Naruto practically bouncing around, the ray of literal _sunshine_ he is, and absently wonders if looking at him would hurt his eyes. Sasuke stretches out his limbs, still rubbing at his eyelids as he makes his way to the bathroom. He turns the door handle and promptly disappears for the next ten minutes while trying to tie his hitai-ate properly.

Or at least making sure it stays on.

Naruto wears it the same way he does, tied around his forehead, like most people have it. Kakashi does almost the same, just pulled over one eye instead.

Sakura normally wears hers as a headband unless her hair is up, and Sasuke already knows that she's going to ask him to braid it today. She wears it on her upper arm on those days, tied tightly around her bicep like that one girl he thinks is named Haniko or Hanako or _Hana_ , or _something_ like that.

He comes to the conclusion that he genuinely, honestly can't care less about what his own hair looks like, pushing the door open after pulling a fresh set of arm warmers on. Naruto is currently putting away the futons- or at least...trying to?- and kind of shoving them into the corner, slightly desperately. Sakura tries to stifle a laugh at him, a teasing lilt to the way she crinkles her nose. She's already seated on the floor with her hair down a little past her shoulders, three maroon hair ties curled around her wrists. Kakashi seems to have already left for either breakfast or a morning job or both.

Sasuke feels himself laugh before he can stop it, and the blonde shoots him a childish pout before his gaze moves to Sakura. "This never happened," He mutters and sticks out his tongue at her, and Sasuke feels oddly...empty at that, the urge to do something with his hands overwhelming him. Maybe odd's an understatement. He does end up doing something with his hands, pulling at the girl's hair a little harder than usual as he braids.

He doesn't know _why_.

She doesn't say anything about it despite the quiet hiss she tries to hide, and as soon as she squirms- fingers tapping at the floor desperately, _waiting_ \- guilt rises up in Sasuke and he stops almost altogether, the end getting looser as he goes down. Neither of them say anything, but the knowing look in her eyes as he sits in front of her makes him feel too vulnerable.

Naruto stubs his toe on the bathroom door on his way in like the idiot he is.

Eventually the room goes silent, but in a nice way. Comfortable, and he can't help but wonder whether this is what them all living together would look like. Getting up in the morning and seeing each other, eating breakfast, and just...existing. It sounds nicer than he'd originally thought.

(Part of him is tired of being laid bare, of his friends being able to read him like a book while he can't do the same.)

**~**

Kakashi's stretches go by interrupted, a sharp breeze flying through as he maps out a training regimen in his mind.

They have at least another two weeks here, another two weeks to do things they wouldn't be able to under the village standards. Away from the Sandaime's prying eyes and his insistence to keep two of his students' abilities untrained for fear of overpowering them. The people scattered through the halls of the Hokage Tower, civilian and shinobi alike, all holding the same idiotic opinion. The same weak whispers floating through the air as they cower away.

_The Uchiha must be dealt with carefully, and the jinchuuriki is a fuse ready to go off at any moment. The girl will be pushed aside eventually._

Bullshit.

It's the surface value of kids who have been hurt and broken and bruised, holding enormous amounts of potential within them. _All_ of them, Sakura included.

He just has to push them a little harder.

**~**

They're arguing.

Again.

While they're on a mission- their first C-rank nonetheless.

_"Idiot, don't-"_

Keira-san's eyebrows press together as she hands her a broom.

_"-shut up, it's fine-"_

_"-stop. Actually, just stop."_

_"No one asked you."_

_"-am I supposed to sit here and watch you-"_

"Are they...alright?"

_"You're literally asking for me to push you off."_

_"Go away."_

Sakura smiles nervously. "Pretty much. They normally don't mean anything they say. It's nothing to worry about."

_"Fuck off."_

"So you're like the mediator, then? Something straight out of a fairytale book, hm." She sighs, almost dreamily, and she looks younger than seventeen in the moment. "Who's your favorite out of those two? Or is there any other boy involved?"

"No," Her sandals seem really interesting at the moment. "They're not like that to me."

"That's what they all say," The woman who she assumes is Keira's mother, or at least related to her, chimes in. "Just give it time."

She doesn't bother replying. There's nothing she can say, really. She knows how civilians are- or at least the ones her parents talk to often- they don't let go of crushes and love and the 'shinobi scene', whatever that means.

The older woman seems to realize it and puts a hand on her shoulder, eyes soft. Sakura flinches back at the contact, just barely. "Do you and your friends have anything to wear for next week?"

_"Ow!"_

_"You dumbass-"_

_"-don't even-"_

"I wasn't aware that we would be participating in the party," She replies, clipped and polite. "But we do have precautions for that. Are there any specific requirements, or?"

"Cream colors, really. It's not anything too fancy, I don't think. If you need anything, just ask."

She notes that, smiling again and bowing.

Her chest feels a little...odd at the notion, but brushes it off. It's just peculiar and she's not used to adults treating her nicely. That's all.

Sakura expected it.

Most adults aren't like her parents, she knows that.

Or at least she should.

**~**

Sakura ends up trading the broom for the sign that goes above the door, because she's always been the best at chakra control; it's kind of a running joke that Naruto can't stick to a wall properly. Even though he's been able to do it for a while now.

Keira-san and her family are appalled at the idea of being able to walk up walls, glancing up at her every now and then to stare. She finds she doesn't mind all that much.

The boys are arguing less now that there's music in the background, and it's almost peaceful.

Almost.

"Is it straight?"

"No, a little up."

"Which side?"

"Left."

"My left?"

"No, mine."

"That's not left!"

"Naruto," she says, voice taking on a sharper edge. "You literally can't tell directions, can you?"

"What're you talking about? That's left!"

"No," Sasuke cuts in. "That's your right."

"Shit."

Sakura doesn't manage to stifle the laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long- I just really didn't like the original version and where it was going because I wanted them to have fun and be kids for once!! I feel like we forget that they're literally children sometimes. Well, you didn't get to see it because it's from Kakashi's POV but I promise they enjoyed it,, at least Naruto did. 
> 
> aAlso!! I made playlists for this story!! song suggestions would be great if you have any!!
> 
> [link](https://open.spotify.com/user/ally.monzon1?si=bgQXnJqoSsem6HrPAA7iuA)


	20. First C Rank: Maybe We're Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: referenced/implied self-harm; more speculation than anything.

The auditorium is themed red and an off-white, creamy color is the secondary. There are at least fifteen tables at one side right now, one wall plastered with a maroon wallpaper and another one has a flower of the same color. They need more plain maroon to finish.

The next two days are spent meticulously doing the same endless tasks, testing every table, every decoration taped on at least five times over, and Naruto finds that he doesn't mind the familiarity of it after a while. But it _is_ a relief when it's finally _over,_ and Kakashi-sensei announces that he's mapped out a training regimen for the rest of the week.

Sasuke and Sakura seem excited enough for it, laying awake outside their room the day everything's finished and just... _talking,_ no fear of being discovered or found in the dead of night, stars shining bright above them. Kakashi's moved into the room Keira-san was staying in before, now that she's staying with her family.

So they're alone, and it's kind of cold at night and Naruto's sure that the old futon Sasuke normally uses is more comfortable than this one.

It's great.

What _isn't_ so great, however, is Kakashi-sensei deciding that five in the morning is a completely acceptable time to drag them out of bed.

It's not. Under any non-life threatening circumstances.

They start with meditation, as always, the breeze blowing through the trees strangely melodic. Naruto's vision blurs, the green of the grass and the orangey pink hues of the sky unfocusing as his breathing slows.

"You know the drill."

He squeezes his eyes shut, feeling for his chakra and grasping on to it, allowing the energy to flow into his hands. It's a standard chakra exercise- a warm-up, even- that does wonders for performing jutsu that involve chakra molding of any sort. Naruto wills the chakra to sit in the palms of his hands, and he faintly registers his teammates doing the same in the back of his mind.

"Alright," Kakashi's voice cuts through the silence. "Let it go."

The energy dissipates and regroups, flowing back through Naruto's arms and into his mind.

Kakashi hums in approval, and Naruto blinks open his eyes. "Stretches," he says simply, an odd look in his visible eye. "You'll need it."

**~**

They did, in fact, need it- apparently, Kakashi-sensei spent some amount of time mapping out the area they're in. And created a physical, no-chakra course around the clearing and through a section of the woods.

His feet hurt.

"Up, up. You can't rest yet."

Naruto groans, throwing his head back into the grass. Sakura follows suit, and Sasuke forces himself up. He assumes that's more pride than anything.

Sasuke offers him a hand when he shows no sign of moving anytime soon. He takes it.

Funnily enough, he knows that he could probably run the course a couple more times if he tried hard enough. He doesn't think Sasuke and Sakura could though.

Naruto figures it has something to do with his... _roommate_ , as Jiraiya's begun to call the being sealed into his stomach. 

Something about stamina and regeneration and whatnot.

He tries not to think about it, blinking a few times to get the thought out of his head. 

Thinking about the nine-tails has never done him any good, and he doubts that'll change anytime soon.

Kakashi-sensei's created two shadow clones by the time Naruto finally snaps out of it. The sky's also a lot brighter than he remembers. The Kakashi in front of him lowers his book and moves his hitai-ate up to reveal his Sharingan.

"You ready?"

He nods vigorously, grinning. Training is supposed to be special while they're here- away from the village and time limits. 

Naruto can feel the waves of chakra that are particular to Sasuke's Sharingan resonate through the clearing, the soft excitement bubbling up in Sakura as a knife of some sort goes flying through the air. 

"Do you know how to summon your chains? Jiraiya-sama mentioned you were working on that for a while."

Oh. 

It takes a moment to click. 

_Oh_.

He hardly ever gets to use his Kekkei Genkai, and when he does, it feels like some sort of cat and mouse game. Almost hiding in secluded areas and just outside of the village. Naruto doesn't quite know why, but he knows it's serious- and he isn't inclined to watch his mentor sigh and frown over the subject.

"Kind of? I can, um, feel them, but..." 

"That's good enough. We rarely get the chance to focus on them."

The jonin's Sharingan swirls, and Naruto grins again as he stretches. This'll be fun if nothing else.

**~**

The event itself- the whole reason they're here in the first place- comes far sooner than anticipated, Sakura fixing every detail that even looks an inch wrong before anyone shows up. Naruto and Sasuke stay attached at the hip, helping their clients with the food and running around like kids do.

It feels productive, and the aura around them is clean and comforting in the hours before people start flooding in. 

Most of the guests are as Kakashi predicted. Younger- fourteen to seventeen, while his kids are eleven. But they're ninja all the same, and a lot of them, along with parents ask _questions_. 

_("How old are you three? You're awfully small."_

_"Wait, are those real hitai-ate? Whoa."_

_"How's the ninja life going? Missions and whatnot?")_

Sakura- rushing around in a dress that's blue with no illusion coating the surface- freezes up at the idea of being inquired about, answers short and clipped when someone manages to get ahold of her. Her parents have always described her as pleasant and social, and he knows that the Haruno family has a solid place in the chain of merchants and civilian politicians. 

It just...doesn't add up.

Families get into fights often, at least from what he's heard. And it's not like Sakura is home often, always off doing extra training with one of the boys or putting extra time and effort into a D-rank.

He doesn't like where his mind is going with this.

Because, from his observations, Sakura seems used to wearing a henge around. Her movements are too easy, too fluid when her eleven-year-old body shouldn't be used to the strain of keeping an illusion up and running. 

Sure, Sakura has her talents with her precision and the sheer _detail_ that goes into everything she does. She can come up with intricate lies and stories on the spot, the ones he knows she's told to Iruka's face- whether for one of the boys or herself. She's good at what she does, that's undeniable.

In retrospect, Haruno Sakura could easily be considered one of the most promising ninja of her generation. She _is_ one.

And maybe he's just overreacting, stressing over nothing.

But stamina and energy preserving aren't what he'd consider her great at. It's common in most civilian-born shinobi, having to build yourself up to that point where at least some of your chakra is dispensable. 

Kakashi knows his students, and he _knows_ Sakura fits into that category. 

Saying anything else would be undermining all the work she's put in through the years. 

So, it's either that she's been practicing on her own time- and he definitely wouldn't put her above it, the stubborn kid she is. Or she's been using some kind of low level jutsu- maybe a henge, maybe not- on a regular basis. He's inclined to say it's the latter. 

Kakashi lets out a weary sigh, leaning farther back against his spot against the wall. It's clear that he needs to do something, _anything_ about this if it's what he thinks it is.

Before it can get out of hand.

**~**

They leave the Sunday after, Kakashi-sensei's training honestly paying off. Sasuke can tell that Naruto's improved in the short time they've spent here- even managing to not hit anyone with his chakra chains during target practice. Himself, he feels oddly lighter, smarter, with a better knowledge of what he can do with his Sharingan. How to apply their use to missions and D-ranks. They also managed to weasel Kakashi into taking them to a proper weaponry for Sakura's sake.

And everything just feels... _okay_ right now. It hasn't been for a long time.

Itachi isn't on his mind for the most part, and he's slowly, _slowly_ learning how to let go of both versions of his brother. The one he kept on the highest pedestal imaginable for the majority of his life, and the one he's loathed with every fiber of his being for the rest of it. 

Sasuke's learning to leave the Massacre behind. It's in his past now.

He intends to keep it that way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't mind this if you've read this chapter prior!! I just felt like I had to split it up.


	21. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- Explicit description of self-harm.

It's approaching nighttime when they finally step through Konoha's gates, and Sakura's glad that their mission went smoothly. There shouldn't be much to sort out before they can head home. All she really wants to do is wash off all the sweat and grim leaving an uncomfortable sheen over her skin. Kakashi-sensei exchanges simple pleasantries with the chunin guarding the entrance, before leading them up to the Hokage Tower like he has so many times before. 

Somehow, it feels different. 

(She wishes it were raining.)

There's a subtle pressure building in her chest as they approach the door to the Sandaime's office; Sakura brushes some of the dirt off of her leggings. Sasuke presses a hand to her shoulder just before they enter, _it's okay, calm down_. 

She tries to.

"How was it?"

The Sandaime pays no mind to _her-_ his attention focused mostly on her teammates.

Sakura's not sure whether she likes it or not.

"We did good!" Naruto cuts in. She takes a moment to slap his arm.

Because on one hand, she's out of the spotlight, away from the kind of pressure Naruto and Sasuke thrive in. 

On the other, Sakura was there too. She did _her_ part of the mission too. It feels selfish to want more than the glance he gave her out of the corner of his eye. She does anyway, and the guilt is certainly _there_. 

(She keeps her head bowed.)

"-overall, they did well."

"Alright," the Sandaime smiles appraisingly, looking to Kakashi. "I expect that mission report by tomorrow, Kakashi. You are dismissed."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Kakashi opens the door, holding it open for them. Sakura slips out first.

Naruto follows last, the Hokage reminding him to go see Iruka before he heads home for the night. 

Sakura thinks it feels wrong somehow, and Sasuke rolls his eyes from next to her. 

They part when they approach the civillian complex- the Uchiha compound on one side of the village, and the Uzumaki on the other. She side-eyes them, the apprehensive look in Sasuke's eyes feeling plainly wrong.

Naruto focuses his vision on a streetlight, murmuring. "Tomorrow." It's easy to tell that he's worried at a glance. 

The other boy nods, punching his arm in an attempt to lighten the mood. _Don't worry about me. I'll be fine._

He returns it, softer, before stalking off in the direction of the academy.

Sasuke's eyes follow his silhouette, that same soft smile painting his features though he'll be alone for the night.

It's not new, him staying in the Uchiha compound alone, but...

It feels plainly wrong. 

She doesn't say anything, though, opting to press a hand to his shoulder instead.

He seems to understand. "It's just one night." 

Sakura nods hesitantly, and he shrugs off her hand, throwing her a glance before he disappears. She waves before turning her gaze up to her teacher. He's been...quiet. He doesn't talk often when they part ways, but there's something different about today.

For a moment, the only audible noise are the cicadas chirping in the background.

"Ne, Sakura," he says, tentative. It looks like the words are sour on his tongue. "Can I see your hands?”

It's an odd question, honestly.

But there's nothing wrong with it, and she figures it's just sensei being, well, _Kakashi_.

She trusts him anyways.

Until she watches him pulls his hitai-ate up, her arm in his grasp, and-

...oh.

It takes a moment to hit her. To click.

_Oh._

Sakura tenses when it does. 

She swallows, the tears already burning at the corners of her eyes, and he nods. 

The illusion falls with Kakashi-sensei's face, and the urge to run is stronger than it's ever been.

Every mark is in place, too straight, too symmetrical lines to be accidental. The past healed ones that were too deep not to scar.

A choked apology is on the tip of her tongue when he finally speaks. 

"How long?"

"A while," she answers, and her voice comes out hoarse. He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't have to. "Since before graduation." 

He sighs and lets her go. She doesn't run. 

(She wants to. More than anything.)

"I should've noticed sooner," Kakashi-sensei murmurs, more to himself than her. His gaze focuses on her as he sits down, patting the sidewalk next to him. 

"It's my fault." She denies as she sits, bringing her face to her knees.

"It's never your fault," he says, and he sounds so sure of himself that she's inclined to believe it. Kakashi-sensei pauses and allows himself to stretch out a bit. "I won't make you tell me why." 

Sakura tells him anyway. Maybe she cuts out half the details, omits most of _why_ she feels like she's never going to be good enough if she doesn't find herself a husband, that the harsh comments about same-sex couples thrown around her family _hurt,_ or how her mother's disapproval of everything (in general, of course) eat away at her on nights she can't sleep.

She blames it on society instead. 

That it's not their fault, really. It just _feels_ like everything she's worked for isn't what they want from her, and the rush of adrenaline that comes with the pain is the only thing that makes her feel better.

(It sounds worse out loud than it did in her head.) 

Sakura tells him more than she means to, but he's not mad.

He's still here, after all. 

He isn't running away like her parents tend to after fights, going on grocery runs and on long trips. Not like she does, sneaking out far past her bedtime to watch the stars. 

She thinks that might be all that matters, because Kakashi might just be the only adult- the only role model who's ever seen her for _her_. Who sees her as more than eleven-year-old wife material or some kind of trophy to show off. 

When she's done talking, the cold stains her cheeks and her lips are most definitely chapped. 

But she doesn't regret finally telling someone, even though there's a voice in her head screaming, insisting that it wasn't worth the relief washing over her. 

(Part of her is glad that it was Kakashi-sensei and not...anyone else. She doesn't know what'd she do otherwise.)

"I won't tell them if you don't want me to." Them being her parents. At least that's what she thinks. He sounds sincere, authentic.

She trusts him.

"Just...be careful. This one," the jonin points out the scar nearest to her wrist, apprehensively watching her expression. "-could have seriously injured you if you weren't practiced in medicine."

He points out the areas that shouldn't be cut on both arms, fingers cold from the wind barely grazing her skin. 

It's oddly comforting that he's not telling her to stop.

Just letting her know how to stay safe.

She wants to cry again.

Kakashi-sensei rests his hand on her head awkwardly when he's finished, looking at her before letting out a sigh. One that's tired and relieved at the same time, like the kind her dad does when he finally gets home from trips.

Sakura hates the analogy.

"Be safe," he says when she starts to tremble from the cold and the lights of the restaurant down the street flicker off. "Get some rest, Sakura."

When she finally gets the initiative to get up and go home, her hands are numb and her shoulders are tensed as she trudges down the street. 

Turning the block to her house, dragging her feet along the curb because she misses the warmth and the almost unsettling familiarity of her teammates' presence.

The two-story house down the road is getting closer and closer by the moment, and the weight of a keyring she knows should be in her pocket is gone.

There's a chance they might not let her inside if she can't find a key.

 _Oh,_ her mind goes, without permission. _Sensei wouldn't do that._

Maybe _they_ shouldn't either.

And finally, Sakura's starting to realize that she doesn't associate family with her parents. She doesn't associate _belonging_ with the cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents she sees once or twice a year.

She never has. No matter how desperately she wants to.

(Sometimes wanting isn't enough.)

Because what comes to mind when Haruno Sakura thinks of family are rainy, meant-to-be-training days spent in Naruto's cramped apartment that she's learned feels so much safer than her own home. She remembers Sasuke's rare, genuine laughs that she only gets to see when it's just them. Kakashi-sensei's encouraging praise scattered around in bits and pieces she can just barely remember. Ino's impressed expression whenever they sneak out in the middle of the night and Sakura can do something the other girl can't.

Because theyfeel like what home's supposed to be.

_There._

She should finally just come to terms with it, _them_ \- because if Uchiha Sasuke can forgive the man who did... _that,_ and if Naruto can leave the fact that his entire life has been built on lies upon lies behind...she can at least try and figure out her life. 

Sakura's feet ache and lines upon lines of raised skin dryly chafe against the makeshift jacket Kakashi had given her at some point. She hates the feeling.

 _Hate is a strong word_ , her mother would say, and Sakura can almost _hear_ her voice. _Ladies shouldn't be saying it._

" _Fuck_ ," she murmurs under her breath- just for that breath of control, that bit of freedom. It doesn't work quite as well as she wants it to, a sense of helplessness coursing through her veins and into her fingertips. Sakura clenches her hands together, desperate for some friction, something- anything to do with her hands. 

All the lights are off when she finally makes to her house and its stupid painted fence, the stupid door with a window that's glazed over on either side...and suddenly it's not so stupid.

Suddenly the idea of facing her parents isn't as bad as she'd initially thought. 

Suddenly the imaginary smell of coconut-scented candles with soot-covered rims doesn't make her nauseous. 

Suddenly, all semblance of control slips out of her hands, hits the floor, and shatters into a million irreparable pieces.

She misses them. 

Sakura ignores the tears burning her eyes (once again) in lieu of looking for the key hidden in a medicine bottle and buried in one of the plants.

**~**

She ends up scaling the wall and getting in through the window with a broken lock because it's the only way in. The one in her bedroom is jammed shut and locked when it's not supposed to be. Sakura has no recollection of ever closing it.

It doesn't take a genius to figure who did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry for the delay!! 
> 
> I do really really love Kakashi in this chapter. this version of him is the role model I wish I would've had when I was younger. this is the honest start to Sakura's recovery, and it's gratifying to think. 
> 
> ...has anyone listened to my playlists for this series...? my spotify link is on the first chapter if you haven't looked at it.


End file.
